The Raven had said they were sisters, and that it was good I hadn’t given the sapphire to Ish. Fuck, would Ish ask about the big white bird? How the hell was I going to explain having a chat with her sister’s pet as it brought me a gift? Sweat trickled along my spine.
The time to be a good liar was right now, but I wasn’t sure I could pull it off.
I made myself turn and face Ish, feeling the shards of my life and the truths of my world cracking under the strain of learning more than I’d ever wanted to. Why now? Why did this have to be happening now when Bryce needed me more than he ever had?
“Steven,” Ish said. “You are charged with leading the way to Dragon’s Ground, to the hill that the jewel lies under. You are charged with returning to me the gemstone of flame that was given to the dragons by the Emperor himself.”
Steve put a fist to his chest. “I take the charge on willingly, my lady.”
“I was not done,” she said. He went red in the face and I grinned. Her eyes swept to me, but she spoke to Steve. “Do you believe that Zam will be able to follow you in this task, or will she be preoccupied by the loss of her brother’s life?”
My heart plummeted to the cobblestones beneath my feet. She spoke as though Bryce were already dead. Something we didn’t know, something we couldn’t possibly know. He’d left, headed for Dragon’s Ground in search of a healer.
There had been no news to the contrary, and I refused to believe him dead until I saw his body with my own eyes.
Steve shook his head, a glimmer of malice in his eyes. “I do not believe she will listen to orders. But that is nothing new, Ish. You know that as well as I do.”
I stared at Ish, the mother of my heart, the person I no longer was sure I could trust, the center of my internal conflict. “Do not tell me I can’t go, Ish. This is what I do. This is all I know.”
“Or what?” She lifted herself, straightening her body. “What would you do if I required that you stay here to protect me, Zamira?”
If I thought my heart had plummeted before, it was nowhere near to the depth it dropped with her question.
How the fuck was I going to answer this?
Chapter 2
I shot a look to Darcy next to Steve, both mounted and ready to leave the Stockyards, to see how she was reacting to Ish’s question. Because I wasn’t sure how I should respond. Of course, I wanted to go to Dragon’s Ground, but not for the reason Ish wanted us to go. And she knew it. We all knew it.
Bryce was there, but how did Ish know I didn’t give a shit about the gemstone? How did she know when I’d said nothing regarding Bryce after that first night back? I’d kept to myself and made sure to keep a low profile. So, who the hell had told her how little I cared about the gemstones now?
Darcy looked away from me, lowering her eyes to the courtyard’s dusty ground.
“Fuck it all, seriously, Darcy?” I whispered the words, even while I understood why she’d told Ish. I felt the sting of her betrayal though that wasn’t the worst part. She was not the friend I’d thought her to be. I’d once believed that Darcy would have come for me had I been the one trapped in the Ice Witch’s castle, but seeing her now and the betrayal . . . I knew in my heart that was false.
Darcy lived the laws of our lion shifter pride about as fully as one could. Which was part of the reason why she’d given in to Steve’s attentions when he’d pursued her when he and I had still been married. Back in the day, there was only one male in a pride, just like natural lions. And he got to fuck all the ladies as much as he liked. My father had changed that, and the Bright Lion Pride had been healthier, happier for that. One mate to one mate.
Steve wanted things the way they once were where he benefited from all the ladies. And there was no physically strong male lion to gainsay him.
I drew a breath as I worked the words out in my mind. “I would do as you asked of me, Ish. You know that.” I lied right through my teeth with only minimal effort. I had to make her believe I could behave. If only long enough to let me get the hell out of here.
Once, I would have thought Ish trusted me to make my own choices, but I could see that was no longer the case. I wasn’t sure that Ish would know I was lying, but I did know I was a terrible liar. This was not a game I had any skill at.
Her eyes left me and went back to Steve. “You are ready to go then?”
A breath escaped me. Thank the desert gods, she believed me.
“We are, but are you sure about Zam?” The crease in his brows deepened. I wanted to flip him off with both hands since I was behind Ish’s back but I didn’t dare move.
“I am quite sure about Zamira. This is excellent.” Ish clasped her hands in front of her, resting them against her long blue skirt. “Zamira will stay with me. Darcy, you will go with Steven.”
Except for the tightening of my hands on the leather reins and the freezing of the air in my lungs, I did not move while Steve and Darcy filed past me. Steve with a smirk, Darcy with tears in her eyes. She mouthed something to me but I looked away from her. She would always be my friend, but I knew now not to trust her. Nor did any of this mean I could just take this camel shit lying down.
And people wondered why I had trust issues. I’d trust Lila and Maks over the pride I’d been raised in at this point.
That idea rippled through me like a little shock wave, because it was truer than I’d thought possible for the two of them, two friends who’d lied to me at different times for different reasons. One of whom was my natural enemy. But their lies had been backed by truths that were tangled and complicated. And in the end, they’d both come through and had my back.
I turned and tugged on Balder, leading him into the stall, keeping my temper in check but barely. I un-tacked him and put all my gear away, tossing it into my room through the connecting window. Ish might think she had me trapped, but I would find a way out. No matter how long it took.
I felt the air pressure change more than I heard Ish behind me. I stopped what I was doing and bowed my chin to my chest, adopting a look of submission. “What is it you need of me . . . Mistress?”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “Why would you call me that?”
I turned slowly to face her, the truth inside me bubbling up slowly, like lava curling toward the surface of the earth right before it went on a killing swath a mile wide.
I could hold the heat back no longer. “You are my master, are you not? You command me and I must go where I am sent because of what you wish from me, correct? My own desires are not considered. Other people’s lives are not taken into account. I am not free to go where I want. I am held captive here, which makes you my mistress. You own me, Ish. I am a slave to your whims.” I was proud of myself; I delivered the words calmly, almost in monotone. No anger took hold of me.
“You are a child yet then, if you believe I do not know what is best,” she said, and any other time I would have said her eyes were sad, but I saw the flash of anger. Now that I knew it was there and growing, I saw it more and more.
I forced myself to stare her down even though she was taller than me, even though the cat in me wanted to curl away in submission. My jaw ticked. “You would have left Darcy to die. Someone you claimed to care about, a woman who I heard you once call daughter. What if I were out there? Would you have given a shit? No, I don’t think you would have.” I didn’t feel an ounce of fear while I faced her. I was not afraid, but I should have been.
She waved a hand at me, dismissing my words as if they were nothing more than a bad smell. “I was willing to send Maks to find you when Steven came back from the giants without you, or have you forgotten so quickly?” She paused, and again there was that strange flash in her eyes. “I will always want to keep you safe, Zam. And it has always been with great reluctance that I send you out into the world on my behalf. You are too small, too weak, to be able to truly protect yourself. I let you go only because I knew you would chafe being held here. But no more. You must stay out of danger. I will not allow you to be hurt, or worse, killed.”
I felt my face getting hot, and I wasn’t sure if I was more embarrassed or angry. Her desire to protect me should have made me feel loved, but it only left me feeling owned. “You are avoiding the question. You don’t give a shit about the others then? Just me?”