Not to mention this whole Wade thing. This was why it was a terrible idea to get attached to people—it never ended well. I was better off forgetting I liked him. At least it would stop me from acting like a complete goof around him. Yeah, good one. As if you can just switch it off and on like that. It would be freaking useful if you could, but you can’t. Wade Crowley is stuck in your brain and there’s no getting him out. Ugh.
Tobe ruffled his white-and-gold feathers, the sound oddly calming. “It sounds to me like you’re experiencing a crisis of identity, Harley. Through no fault of your own, I might add,” he said. “You’ve spent your entire life building walls to keep people out, and being reunited with someone you could call family has torn a hole in those walls. You wanted to let Isadora in; it is only natural. However, the only way to let her in was to lower your defenses. Now, you must decide—were those fortifications hiding who you really are, or were they the very fabric of who you really are?”
“Are you sure you don’t write fortune cookies in your spare time?” I teased.
He smiled. “I do not, though perhaps I should. Being the Beast Master doesn’t pay as well as you might think.”
I chuckled. “It’s just hard, you know? I’ve learned nothing else from my aunt. She keeps making these promises to tell me more about the family history, but I get nothing. Off she zips into some tear in the fabric of time and space, and I’m left twiddling my damn thumbs. I’ve been waiting for nineteen years, Tobe. I’ve got zero patience left.”
“It’s hard to wait, but it shall be worth it all the more when you finally get the whole truth,” Tobe said. “Also, you must understand that there may be things that you don’t want to hear. We know your father may have been under a spell when he killed all those people, which came as some relief to you, yes?”
I nodded.
“But what if Isadora has other secrets that may not be so easily swallowed? What if, by waiting, she is protecting you from a truth you may not be ready to hear?”
“That’s not her choice to make.”
He chuckled, rumbling like a purring cat. “That’s her job as your aunt. You may feel as if she has abandoned you again, and you’d be well within your rights to endure such emotions, but she loves you. You are all she has left in this world, just as she is all you have. I think there’s more to her reluctance than meets the eye.”
“Still… it’s really freaking frustrating.”
He nudged me in the arm. “So I gather.”
“And I’ve still got absolutely no idea what to do about this stupid Gathering. Do I go stag? Do I put on a show? Do I suck it up and go through with it, same as always?”
“Self-pity does not suit you, Harley. You’re stronger than that. After all, nobody likes a wallower. Believe me, I have one in the Bestiary.”
I laughed. “What does a wallower look like?”
“You, if you don’t stop.”
“Okay, okay, no more wallowing.” Absently, I kicked my feet against the front of the glass, scaring the life out of an armadillo-looking critter in the box below. “I’ll go to the damn party and I’ll smile and schmooze with the best of them. See, this is why I came to you—I knew you’d talk me around.”
“It seems I am quite the ‘agony aunt’ of late.”
I frowned. “You are?”
“Yes, Santana was in here a while ago, voicing similar concerns about her identity,” Tobe said. “I wouldn’t ordinarily share the words of another, but the two of you appear to be dealing with the same sorts of problems. She doesn’t believe she is destined for the life her family wishes her to have. At least, in some small way, it’s a benefit that you don’t have to bend to the will of those dearest to you.”
“Great, make me feel guilty, why don’t you?” I muttered, throwing him a wry smile.
“I’m merely saying that the two of you are rather alike. You come from exceptional legacies, yet both of you are so very different than what has come before,” he explained. “I would guess that, ironically, it’s the reason that you get along so well. You are a similar sort of creature. Take the Bestiary, for example. Both of you are more fascinated by it than afraid of it. That cannot be said of all people. I have seen grown men and women sprint out of this room as if I had set a boogeyman loose.”
I couldn’t entirely wrap my head around what he was saying, but some of it rang true. Santana and I did have a lot of similarities, as well as differences. Although, it did make me wonder, for the gazillionth time in my life, how everything might have turned out if I’d had my mom and dad around. Would they have had similarly high expectations of me? Would they have tried to coerce me into a marriage I didn’t want? It was hard to imagine a different picture than the reality, even now.
“I guess you’re right,” I said. You’re a wise old beast; I’m not going to argue. “So, what do you know about my other aunt? About Katherine? I know she used to frequent the Bestiary, with her connection to the gargoyles and all.”
“I believe she held a respect for me, but we did not talk as you and I are doing. We would exchange pleasantries, and I would always ask if she needed anything, but she was forever content to sit and chat with her gargoyles,” he replied. “She was a brilliant woman, really. Had she been valued in her own right, perhaps she would not have ended up the way she has. You see, she was always living in the shadow of your mother. Like a starved plant, that lack of spotlight made her gnarled and twisted, sapping her of compassion and righteousness.”
Tobe, my man, you’re a freaking poet.
“Do you know why my mom and Katherine might have fallen out?” I glanced across at Quetzi’s glass box, the Aztec snake slithering in the fog. He paused against the pane, as though listening to what we were saying.
Tobe pinched his fluffy brows together, his whiskers twitching. “I don’t quite know the cause, but I remember the day things started to fall apart. Katherine stormed into the Bestiary one afternoon, in a violent fit of rage. I had to hold her back and physically remove her from the premises, because her magic was becoming a hazard. Boxes were shaking, the beasts were going wild, and my defense charms were threatening to explode.”
I nodded along. “Do you think it might have had something to do with my dad?”
“The course of true love never does run smooth, and rejection can be wounding when the love is one-sided,” he replied. “I imagine such a vehement reaction stemmed from the sisters’ competition for Hiram’s affections, and Katherine’s subsequent loss. I believe that was why she stormed into the Bestiary that day, because Hiram had cast her aside for Hester. She held a fearsome grudge, that much is clear. If she really did use Sál Vinna on your father, then we can be certain that she is quite insane. No person would use that unless they were entirely unhinged. Although, I hear a broken heart can often tip even the sanest of individuals over into insanity.”
“Someone else seems to be holding a bit of a grudge,” I said, gesturing at Quetzi. Every time Katherine’s name was mentioned, he hissed and ruffled his feathers.
Tobe frowned at the serpent. “Hmm… how curious. I don’t know why Quetzi would be acting that way.”
“Maybe Katherine gets his snaky senses tingling.”
“There is power in a name. Perhaps you’re right—he may sense the evil in what we’re discussing.”
“Well, he might have to hiss a few more times, because I’ve got another question to ask you regarding little Miss Shipton,” I said nervously. “Do you know anything about the process of becoming a Child of Chaos? Like, is it even possible? You’ve been around a long time; have you ever heard of that happening?”
He looked genuinely shocked. “The Children of Chaos would never allow a magical to join them. They have existed for all of time. They cannot be created, just as magicals are born and not made. If that is her plan, Harley, then she shall find herself sorely disappointed. She would barely be able to set foot inside their realm before they destroyed her for her insolence.” He paused briefly. “Unless…”
“Unless?”
“There have been some rumors, over the centuries, that a Child of Chaos can be replaced. Nobody knows how, exactly, and it has never been written anywhere. These are mere stories, passed on by word of mouth. If Katherine has deciphered a way to achieve this, then… perhaps she knows something that nobody else does.”
I sat in silence for a moment, gathering my thoughts. Before I did anything else, I needed to go to the New York Coven and find out the truth about my father. Isadora had told me that he was under the spell of Sál Vinna, but Tobe’s previous words had thrown me off—what if she was trying to protect me from the truth there, too? Morbid as it sounded, I needed to see for myself if there was any evidence of the Icelandic love spell on my dad when he died. If Isadora wasn’t going to spell it all out for me, I had to get the pieces together myself.
I’d been thinking a lot about my parents’ Grimoire, too. They’d written that Grimoire together—an unusual notion in its own right—and I was desperate to see what powerful spells it contained. I figured there might even be something useful within its pages, like a journal entry or something, that could shed light on what had happened between them and Katherine. My motivations for reading it were a bit more selfish than that, though. Honestly, I thought it might make me feel closer to them in some way.
But the more I learned about the Merlins and the Shiptons, the better I could prepare for what was to come. Armed with a crap-ton of intel, we’d have the means to take Katherine down.
Now, how to get to New York? I already had clearance to travel through the liquid-like mirrors in the Assembly Hall, since Alton hadn’t revoked my free pass. Although, he’d definitely want me to tell him I was going through them before I actually did.