He had zero attention span from all the screen time and video games. I glanced at him. “Is that your sports betting thing?”
“No, moron, it’s fantasy football.”
Evey and Brooklyn were sitting at the table, eating pancakes and chatting about some new guys Brooklyn had met. I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them while Zack and I sat on the counter undetected.
“Dude, get off your phone and talk to me. Isn’t that why you’re here?” I asked.
Still staring at his screen, he said, “No, I’m here because your weird life is entertaining to me. You know what I think you need? A hobby. You have one soul, and that’s why you’re losing your shit. You need to do something for Lucian, for yourself.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe knitting. You can’t make one person the center of your universe. You’ll go crazy all cooped up in here. Get a hobby. Take up craft-beer making or join a book club.”
I was trying to ignore Zack as I watched Evey inhale her pancakes. I zeroed in on a drop of syrup next to her mouth. I wanted to lick it off.
“I zapped her good,” I said mindlessly. “I don’t know why she’s short-circuiting over it.”
“Apparently you didn’t. You have to hold your thumb down until you smell something burning.”
I turned to face him, my jaw on the floor. “Are you kidding me? Is that what you do? You’re frying people; you know that, right? It affects them.”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“Yeah, really, it does. I can’t believe I’m the one who’s always in trouble. Anyway, shouldn’t you go check in with your souls?”
“They’re fine. They’re eating and binge watching Top Chef.”
I believed that their behavior was a direct result of Zack frying them every time he slipped up. Those people ate and watched TV all day and never left their house. But I was the immoral one?
I directed my attention back to Brooklyn and Evey’s conversation when I caught Brooklyn saying, “Well, you can get a little action tonight and redeem yourself. You’re going out with us. Joel is bringing Keith, and he’s gorgeous.”
“I feel like I’m gonna puke,” I told Zack.
“See, you need a hobby. Want to start a blog? Let’s start a blog, dude.”
“No,” I said, watching Evey agree to go out with Brooklyn. “Geez, for the love of God! These girls can’t stay home and read a book?”
“They’re young and hot,” Zack said.
“Stop, please.”
“Gotta go,” he said, and then he was gone.
I followed Evey into her bedroom, not something I normally did. She plopped onto her bed, blew her long brown hair out of her face, and stared at the ceiling.
“Guardian angels,” she whispered, shook her head and rolled to her side.
I wished I knew what she was thinking. I saw her smell the pillow where I had been lying earlier. She smiled faintly while moving her hand down below, between her legs.
Oh God. Heaven help me now.
I blinked and found myself out on the stoop, sitting next to a derisive Mona.
“Lucian, Lucian, Lucian. You think I don’t know what’s going on?”
“I know you do. I can’t control what’s happening to me. Please, Mona, reassign me. You have to before I do something awful.” I was begging now.
“You’ll never see her again. I’ll send you off to Sarmi first thing tomorrow. Not too many angels can speak Liki as well as you can.”
“Well, that’s true—I am very good at a lot of things.” I smirked. “Please, you have to keep me here. Reassign me? I’ll stay away from her, I promise.” I knew I couldn’t though.
“‘I’ll stay away from her’? Oh please. It’s obvious you’re full of shit. Give it another week. I hope you start making better decisions. And Lucian… you didn’t zap her well enough,” she said, before disappearing.
“Wait, Mona, come back.”
I got a bottle of whiskey and sat out on the stoop for hours, just staring off into space. Abigail was sitting next to me, ignoring me as per usual.
She finally looked up from her phone and said, “Hey, I know I’ve never asked you this before, but will you cover my shift tonight, since they’ll be together and what’s her name is your only one?”
I shook my head and sighed. “First of all, we are not fucking waiters. We don’t cover each other’s shifts. And second of all, her name is Evelyn. I think you know that.”
She made an ugly-bitch face. “Ew, your breath stinks. You’re such an asshole drunk, Lucian. Get a life.”
I could hear Evey and Brooklyn talking about getting ready to go out. It was getting dark. I thought about Abigail’s offer and wondered if I could use it to my advantage “What’s in it for me?”
She shrugged. “I’ll give you a blow job?”
“I don’t want your disgusting mouth anywhere near me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay fine. I won’t play eyes and ears for Mona anymore.”
“Excuse me, what? What are you talking about?”
“Who do you think I’m texting all day? I pick up extra cash as an informant.”
“Seriously, an informant?” I threw open my arms and wings. My anger was boiling over. “You’re all fucking shameless.”