The silence was deafening as we watched Junior take in what Dwayne had said.
Junior's laugh when he relaxed was large and loud. "You almost got me. You are one slick Vamp." Junior shook his head and slapped his knee, knocking the coffee maker into the water cooler.
"Not joking here," Dwayne said without a trace of humor on his beautiful undead face.
"He's really not," Granny added as she put an arm around Dwayne.
Junior was up and pacing again. I pulled my feet up so he didn't step on them and break my toes. Of course they would heal quickly, but it would hurt. He stopped and stared at the wall for a full minute. We stayed silent and watched. His burst of movement scared the hell out of all of us as he ran to his computer and punched keys a mile a minute.
Granny patted Dwayne's bald head as he heaved a huge and dramatic sigh, which was ridiculous because Vampyres didn't breathe. For having such huge fingers, Junior typed faster than anyone I'd ever seen.
"Holy sheeeeeot," he said as he wiped some sweat from his brow. "You might be in luck. They seem to be extinct."
"Are you sure?" Dwayne asked hopefully.
"Not entirely," he admitted as he scrolled the site he was on. "I'll have to hack into some more databases to be sure."
"Okay, let me get this straight," I said sarcastically. "A species of Were I did not know existed is now extinct? How in the hell does a Were species go extinct?"
"Apparently the female Cow often ate the male after he impregnated her," Junior read from the screen. "God dang, that's sick," he muttered. "They didn't even kill the poor bastards before they ate them—chowed down while they were still kickin'. After a while it seems they ran out of males and they became a lesbian society. That served to be a problem as far as numbers went."
I was really grateful I hadn't eaten any lunch because my stomach was churning.
"Thank Tina Louise, that is fabulous news," Dwayne said as he dropped down on a chair and let his head fall back on his shoulders. "Death by bovine tusk is so messy."
"They have tusks?" I asked yet another question I didn't really want the answer to.
"Had. Had tusks," Dwayne corrected me.
"That's not definitive though, is it, Junior?" Granny asked quietly.
"I'm gonna have to do a little more research, but it looks pretty good that they died off."
"How long is the extra research gonna take?" Granny asked.
"Don't know—a few weeks possibly," he said. "I'll have to call in some geek favors on this one."
"I'll pay you," Dwayne offered.
"Hell to the no." Junior chuckled. "You're my sister-in-law's best friend and her man of honor in the wedding. I consider this family duty."
There was silence.
Blessed silence.
And then there was blubbering.
Again.
"I do not know what I did to deserve this kind of love," Dwayne sobbed. "I love all of you so much it makes my fangs hurt. Junior, I would like to give you the gift of some of my blood."
"No," I yelled as I dove across the room and sat on Dwayne before he opened up a vein for Junior.
When we had gotten ready to take down the Dragons, Dwayne had made me drink some of his blood. It made me stronger and my sense of smell had kicked into overdrive. However, it also enabled me to rip the head off a Dragon with my bare hands without even realizing I had done it. In the end it was what saved Hank's and my life, but it was scary and wrong—and it still hadn't left my system. Dwayne thought it would only last a few days, but we were going on a few weeks at this point and I still felt the residual effects.
"No blood exchange," I said firmly. "A nice waffle iron will suffice."
"Or a new coffee pot," Granny suggested as she eyed the one Junior had just demolished.
"How about a Hummer?" Dwayne asked.
"Oh my god, Dwayne, that is so inappropriate," I yelled.
"What?" he asked, bewildered. "I was talking about a car."
"Oh. Sorry," I muttered.
"Anyhoo," Granny interjected, saving me from myself and my dirty mind. "I think it's time for the shoplifting Vampyre to do his community service. Let's go, bloodsucker," she said affectionately to Dwayne. "Those Were Weasels will have no idea what hit them."
"Looks like I missed a party," a very familiar and insanely sexy voice said from the doorway as he took in the mess with a shake of his head. "Junior, you're gonna need to reel it in."
"Little bro bro," Junior yelled as he trapped Hank in a bear hug. "I've missed you and your judgmental ass."
"Missed you too," Hank told him as he disengaged himself and copped a quick feel of my rear end. "You got time to talk?"
"Yep," Junior said as he discreetly tried to pick up the office.
"I have to go run the bridal shop because I stole some shoes," Dwayne announced with delight. He was positively orgasmic about his community service. "Come on. Granny. We have work to do."
Dwayne flounced out of the sheriff's office with a giggling Granny following behind him.
"Should I even ask?" Hank inquired with a wince.
"Nope." I grinned and settled myself on his lap.
"So what's the scoop?" Junior asked as he sat back down behind the desk.