“I growled a lot at you back in the good ol’ days, did I?” I ask with a slight edge.
Hera gives me a bored look. “So what do you remember, Paca?”
Everyone looks at me like they’re expecting something major, and I’m apprehensive to tell them that there are zero memories, since these idiots keep trying to provoke me.
I don’t like this. At all. No one has even bothered to formally introduce themselves, so I’m assuming they don’t know that I don’t really know them anymore.
“Who killed me?” I ask instead.
Everyone’s gaze shifts to Lucifer, and I zap in front of Jude to stop him from stupidly turning that scythe on the Devil.
Lucifer’s lips curl in a sneer. “My brother,” he answers.
It’s like hearing a lot of suspenseful music that has been building in tempo and volume, and then having the balloon burst somewhere else in the background. I can actually feel this incredibly important moment losing the climactic construct when the big reveal finally comes.
I look at all the guys, and they all look at me, confusion undoubtedly going around.
Clearing my throat as Lucifer’s eyes seem to go wild with rage from whatever memories he’s currently lost in, I ask, “Who’s your brother? Like one of your wings-and-halos brothers, or are we talking about a manifested-evil brother?”
His eyes bounce to mine as his forehead creases, and two feminine snorts sound from the right. Damn evil sisters.
“She really doesn’t know a fucking thing,” Cain states dryly as he lies back and closes his eyes. “We’re all officially fucking dead.”
My brothers aren’t any more useful than my sisters.
But as his words sink in, that has the tension ratcheting back up.
“What?” I ask in unison with all my guys, who seem to catch on at the same slowed speed.
“His brother killed you, and now we’re all dead,” Cain repeats, still sounding serious and not sarcastic.
Lamar looks as confused as all of us, so now I believe he had no clue who killed me. But Manella refuses to meet my eyes, so I’m assuming he kept this from Lamar.
I have to do a lot of assuming, because these crazy motherfuckers are a bunch of unapologetic liars. It’s not like I can trust the words out of their mouths. I have to pay attention to their body language.
“Rafael,” Lucifer tells me, watching for…some spark of recognition, I’m sure.
“The only Rafael I know is green, wears a pointless red mask on his eyes, and is a hero in a half shell,” I ramble, feeling a little on-the-spot as more groans sound out.
Jude’s arm snakes around my middle, pulling me closer to him. It’s not an overly affectionate maneuver, but coming from him, I feel like this is PDA. It’s terribly inconvenient, because now I’m hella distracted. He’s more important than whoever killed me, since my killer didn’t kill him.
My brother did.
Families really are a cluster fuck…
“She’s even more delusional than usual if she’s randomly bringing turtles into this,” Cain groans like I’m the annoying little sister he never wanted back.
To clear up the point I was making, I add, “The mask is pointless on those turtles. What other mutant turtles are out there doing karate under the tutelage of a giant sewer rat? It’s one case where a superhero’s secret identity is—”
“My brother, Rafael, is an archangel born of unbiased purities with the power to deliver swift and harsh judgment,” Lucifer bites out, interrupting my ramble.
I take a second to process that.
“Okay. So that would make him an angel, right? One of the good guys? I gotta say, I’m not too bent out of shape if one of the good guys struck me down. Whew. That could have been bad, because I think Lamar lied when he said I couldn’t get angry enough to accidentally level the world,” I prattle on, drawing a series of confused expressions from absolutely everyone—well, not my guys.
They’re unsurprised by most of the things that tumble out of my mouth with all the finesse of a sheltered virgin attempting dirty talk for the first time. Kudos to me for shocking Manella, because he finally looks something other than tired or bored.
“Is it my maturity that is shocking all of you?” I muse. “I can forgive and forget,” I add very assuredly.
“Shit,” one of the twins says.
Side note, I really do need to learn their individual names. Seems rude not to know their names, since we’re apparently family and they didn’t kill me.
“We really are fucking dead,” the other one states as though he’s finishing the first’s sentence.
“Were all our family meetings so dire and cryptic in the past?” I chirp, needing a point of reference as I try to liven the group up before I take another shot at Lilith. Or maybe Hera this time.
You can’t go attacking your long lost sister a third time unless people are still in laughing moods.
Before anyone can answer, there’s a loud, ominous ringing, sounding eerily like church bells. My eyes swing up like the bells have magically appeared above my head. I half expect a hunchbacked hell boy to be swinging from a giant rope and shouting something about sanctuary.
Don’t worry, there are no literal bells. Just creepy bell sounds with no physical manifestation.
All good. All good.
What is my life?
“Looks like the family reunion is just getting started,” Lucifer says with a bitter smile. “Time to relocate.”
Something dark prickles my spine before a shot of white light blinds me.
Chapter 8
“We’re in purgatory,” I let the guys know as I peer around at the grayish hue of the canyon-filled landscape surrounding us.
I have no idea how we got here. Did the church bells send us here?
“Excellent powers of observation, comoara trădătoare,” Ezekiel states blandly, his eyes scanning the same wasteland as mine, while a tumbleweed tumbles by like a bad cliché in a western wanna-be movie.
“Being observational is one of my heavier purities,” I tell him without missing a beat.
Kai gives me an incredulous look. “You just made that up,” he accuses with a barely suppressed grin.
“She’s telling the truth,” Jude says distractedly. “I’ve memorized all her purities and impurities,” he adds.
“Guess who’s my favorite now,” I say in a singsong voice as I turn around and start walking, wondering why we were left alone out here and where everyone else went.
“We should probably stay put,” Ezekiel states reasonably, even as he follows me.
“I don’t like staying put in purgatory, because things pop out of the ground and eat you,” I say with a shudder. “Big monsters are loud when they move underground. At least they can’t sneak up on you so easily if you’re moving, and I’m starting to wonder if those bells were dinner bells.”
“So now you’ve cycled back to the Devil as the prime suspect, despite the killer angel proclamation,” Ezekiel says from my side as he keeps a vigilant eye on our surroundings.
“Excellent powers of observation you have there, War,” I retort, smirking at him when he looks over and rolls his eyes at me.
“Pettiness is one of her impurities,” Gage points out, the edges of his lips turning up with arrogance. “I have that memorized as well. Does that make me your new favorite?”
I know he’s just being a smartass, but I still answer seriously. “Until that girl is informed of the fact you’re with me, you can’t be my favorite, because you’re her favorite.”
He groans and drops his head back as the others just shake their heads. They’re not subtle; you can tell they enjoy it when it’s not them I’m giving hell.
Ha! Gotta love my inner hell puns.
“That’s her I-just-made-a-cheesy-Death-pun face,” Kai says, winking. “Now who’s your favorite?”
“Actually, it was a hell pun, but you can be my favorite just because you’re so pretty,” I state with all seriousness. “Especially in a skirt.”
His eyes narrow on me, as Ezekiel snorts.
“Can anyone siphon?” Jude asks.
“I can’t even go phantom,” I say, distracted by the subtle tremors in the ground beneath me.
The conversation is interrupted when I scream like a pansy ass little girl at the same time something roars so loud it actually hurts my ears. Whirling around, I see the ground breaking up and gray dust spraying into the air like Tremors just came to life. I hear the ground beneath my feet groaning in pain, as that beastly, likely enormous, certainly intimidating thing races toward us with outrageous speeds and hellacious roars with an admirably horrifying sense of fearlessness.
I think this thing is definitely bigger than those monstrous centipede imposters who pop up like rabid Jacks-in-the-Boxes…
“Can someone let it know I’m The Apocalypse before it crashes into us?” I suggest. “Maybe it’ll run?”
“You going to charge it fearlessly?” Jude asks from beside me, twirling his bo staff until the scythe blade shoots out.
“I think an old-fashioned beheading is the way to go this time,” I decide, not feeling so fearless right at this moment. “Even better, do your death funnel thingy,” I add, tugging on one of his leather straps that crosses over his shoulder.
“Your power naming skills are—”
His words are cut off as he’s launched into the air. Something crashes into my back so hard it feels like all the bones in my body break and heal in simultaneous, excruciatingly painful actions.
It takes a second to realize I’ve been forced airborne as well. It’s painfully obvious when I skip across the abrasive sand like an overachieving pebble on a quiet lake’s surface.
A scream tears from my throat as I roll to the side, heaving for air as my lungs try to recover. My ears are ringing as the taste of blood enters my mouth, and through a fog, I see some five-headed beast that would have made dinosaurs seem small as it rears up, only partially out of the ground.
So many teeth snap as it spits and hisses at something, hovering over me as I try to rock up to my knees, too dizzy to get my bearings as I crash back to the ground.
Rolling onto my back, I internally curse the stupid fucking beast that damn near killed me. Again.
“I really hate dying,” I say through strain as something hot starts sizzling around me. Under me.
Kai slides in front of me, stabbing the seemingly invincible monster with his triton. Ashes form all around the wound before healing almost instantly.
“That’s really not fucking good,” he bites out as Jude slashes at the beast over and over again.
My eyes dart over, finding the blurry images of Ezekiel and Gage fighting an identical beast—the one that was hellaciously loud and distracted us from its twin while it hit us from behind.
We were just hunted. How did The Apocalypse and the Four Horsemen become the prey?