Aaron had held the girl, Annie, while Aric worked to save her uncle with a couple of paramedics. Annie had cried against Aaron’s shoulder until her mom drove up, frantic and sobbing. And all the while, the fire engulfed the car in the background while Bryant and Mark worked to put it out.
He was supposed to save people.
Aaron shook his head hard at the memory of Aric’s grim expression as he radioed in to request permission to call time of death on the scene.
The girl would have some bruising from her five-point harness car seat but would be fine physically. At least her uncle had strapped her in, or tonight could’ve gone much worse. And thank God for the man who happened to pass the wreck and pulled her out before the fire caught in the engine. The what-if’s piled up too high, and Aaron buried his face in his hands and squeezed his eyes closed. These shifts were the worst, when someone didn’t make it. These were the ones where Bear felt out of control.
He grunted at the pain of his animal trying to claw his way out of Aaron’s skin. He had to get out of the station before Chief saw him lose it. At least Aric wasn’t around. He only worked night hours, on account of being undead and all. He would’ve slit his throat from behind if Aaron ever offered him a vulnerable position like this with the back of his neck exposed. By now, Aric was long asleep in whatever dark crevice he lived in.
Aaron glared at the sunrise through the back window behind him and sighed. Stalling wasn’t going to help anything. His animal would be a monster all day until he could force last night from his mind.
Throwing the strap of his duffel bag over his shoulder, Aaron smoothed the bedding from where he’d sat and made his way out of the station with nothing more than a nod of the head for the guys on the new shift.
Outside, he revved the engine of his Harley and blasted down Main Street. He shouldn’t stop at Alana’s. He’d told her he would, but he wasn’t safe to be around right now. He wasn’t stable, and everything in him balked at the idea of letting Alana see him teetering on the edge like this. She would see how messed up he was and pull away.
Things had gotten about ten times more complicated between him and Alana after their almost-kiss last night. He’d been serious when he’d told her he wasn’t looking for a mate. She was human and fragile, and he saw loss of life on a weekly basis. He’d also seen what happened when a shifter lost a mate. Most of them never recovered. Hell, most of them had to be put down when the insanity took their animals. If he was this riled up over the lost life of a stranger, he would be a brute about Alana being safe. He would never want her to drive, turn on the stove, swim, or take any risk that could somehow result in her getting hurt. And what kind of life was that for her? No life at all. She was strong and independent and deserved a man who wouldn’t stifle her. Aaron’s protective instincts weren’t an excuse to drag her down with him.
But…
He couldn’t just pass her coffee shop and break his word.
At the last second, Aaron pulled into the small parking lot, shoved the kickstand down, and cut the engine. She was inside serving coffee to a family of four, her face transforming into that beautiful crooked smile. She said something and laughed, and he couldn’t just barge in there and ruin her day with his moody bear.
He growled and scratched his head in irritation. He couldn’t figure out how his dad and uncles had done it. They’d been firefighters for years, and he’d never seen a single crack in their hard exteriors. They just managed.
He crossed his arms over his chest and heaved a frozen breath into the morning air. The same thought that had plagued him since he was a boy struggling to control the brute bear cub in his middle flashed through his mind again. Maybe he was broken.
Alana looked up, her dark skin practically glowing in the muted light from the sunrise behind him. Today, she’d curled her hair and left it down except for a few pieces she’d pinned back from her face. She was about seven levels out of his league, and yet here she was, catching his eye, a slow, greeting smile spreading across her lips.
Damn, he was in trouble with this one. He should leave. He should give her a shot at happiness with someone normal.
It was too late for escape when Alana pushed open the door to her shop, steaming coffee pot in her hand and a questioning quirk to her dark, delicate eyebrows. “I thought for a minute you were standing me up.”
Aaron ran his hand along the back of his head and ducked his gaze. The thought had crossed his mind. “I’m maybe not the best company right now. Can we meet up when I’m more…?”
“More what?”
“In control.” Nope, he wasn’t showing his eyes right now. They were likely damn near gold, the color that usually terrified small children and protective mothers. And he couldn’t stomach the idea of scaring Alana.
“Hey,” she murmured, approaching slowly.
Aaron winced and angled his face away from her. “Don’t.”
He thought she would say something, pop off maybe, but she didn’t. Instead, she slid her hand around his waist and rested her cheek against him. Chest heaving, Aaron closed his eyes and prayed for control as he settled his open palm onto the lower curve of her back.
He owed her some sort of explanation, but hell if he knew how to explain Bear to a human. “Someone died. A man.”
“Last night?”
He jerked his chin once.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head slowly as she ran her nails lightly up and down his spine.