Ryder’s mouth fell open, and he shook his head slowly. “Don’t say that.”
“I’m breeding her, and you’ll never see her puppies.”
Oooh, thank God. They were talking about a dog, not a child.
“You’re a terrible person,” Ryder whisper-screamed. “Those will be my grand-puppies! I want her back—”
“You’ll never get her back until you come home.”
“I am home.”
“Home is where I am! You said I was it. You bonded to me, so Stewart shouldn’t have changed your feelings.”
“I saw you lick his hairy balls.”
“So? You’re an animal, Ryder. You could’ve fucked around with other women, and I wouldn’t have gone to such an extreme. You moved across the damn country.”
“His O-face was so gross looking.” Ryder’s lips were twisted down like he wanted to retch. He made an appalling, ridiculous face with his mouth hanging open wide and moaned a couple times. “It was like that. Do you really want your kids to have faces like that?”
When he made the face again, Alexis snorted, then pursed her lips against her laugh.
“No, because I don’t want kids, like I’ve told you a billion times.”
“False. You told me it one time after we’d been together for three years and after I had to clean Stewart’s nut-sweat off my bed sheets. Stewart looks like a pimple and smells like hamster farts.”
Alexis nonchalantly put her hand over her mouth to hide her laughter and looked behind her so Ryder wouldn’t see her face. But nope. She couldn’t stop her shoulders from shaking with her silent laughter.
“Are you done?” the woman asked.
“Ryder,” Alana warned from behind the counter. “Finesse, or you won’t get what you want.”
Alexis peeked back just as Ryder inhaled deeply, his muscular pecs pressing against his T-shirt that she could now read. Blow me, it’s my birthday. Geez.
“Does he snuggle Dottie when he’s watching television?” Ryder asked. “Hmm? Does he take her to the dog park and on walks? Does he buy her new collars and share his ice cream cones with her? Does he wipe her mouth after she eats?”
“Oh, my God, no, because she’s a dog, not a baby.”
“She was my baby.”
“And now she’s mine. If you want to see her so badly, then come back.”
“Bark, bark.”
Ryder’s ruddy brows lifted high, and he looked so hopeful. “Dottie? Dot, come here, baby. Come in front of the camera!” He squinted. “No, don’t let mommy push that button. Bite mommy!” There was some kind of scuffle, loud static, and now Ryder was grasping the screen in a death grip. “Don’t!” The sound cut off, and he stared at the screen with eyes the size of dinner plates.
Ryder stood and yelled the word, “Noooo.” He gripped the edge of his computer like he would flip it, but Alana reminded him blandly, “You need that.”
In one smooth motion, Ryder picked up his mug and raised it in the air to throw it on the floor.
“Break that dish, and I’m gonna tan your hide,” Alana said.
Ryder set the mug down gently, ripped open a sugar packet, and moved to pour it on the floor when Alana said, “I know you won’t.”
Looking utterly pissed, Ryder sat down and dumped creamer into his coffee, then crumpled up the small plastic container in his fist, and all the while he glared at Alana, daring her to say something.
“She makes me so mad,” Ryder gritted out. “I should call her back.”
“No!” Alexis and Alana yelled at the same time.
Ryder jolted upright, eyes locked on Alexis as though he’d just now noticed she was here. The restaurant had grown eerily quiet as she froze under his attention.
Clearing her throat, Alexis said, “Speaking from a female point of view, if that little…jerky-shirted sucker-puppy hung up on you just to avoid letting you get a glimpse of Dottie, she’s drama. And she’s probably sitting by her computer waiting for you to call so she can feel superior. She likes the power she has over you right now. Don’t give her that.”
“But my dog—”
“You need to let her go. That woman uses the dog as leverage.”
Suspiciously, he asked, “How do you know so much about girls?”
“My vagina is my resume.” What in creation had just possessed her to say that?
“Your turnovers are ready,” Alana called.
Perfect timing. “It was nice to eavesdrop on you,” Alexis said. “I mean meet you. You’re very cute.” Stop talking. “I mean, I like gingers.” Just leave. “I mean you can do better than that nut-licking floozy.” She stood and looked heavenward for the strength to stop rambling. With a tiny wave at the striking man, she muttered, “Bye bye now,” like a total dork, and then hurriedly shuffled over to the counter where Alana was ringing up her box of pastries.
Her fingers shook as she rushed to pay, and she told Alana to keep the change just to escape faster.
“What’s your name?” Ryder asked from across the room.
“Uuuh, Alexis. People call me Lexi.”
“Sexy Lexi, I like it.”
Alana rolled her eyes and handed Lexi the bag. “Ryder, don’t be a twat.”
“That doesn’t offend me. I love twats.”
Lexi snorted, but swallowed it down and bit her bottom lip to hide her smile. This man was too amusing for his own good, or hers. “Bye, Alana.” She gave her friend a polite smile and high-kneed it for the door.