In the porchlight, Lexi wiped her damp cheeks and went back inside, closed the door behind her with a soft click. Good, at least she was safe, and now he could get ahold of himself the only way he could think of. Ryder strode along the edge of the woods until he reached his cabin up the hill, and then he bolted up the ladder and sat down on the roof like he and Clinton used to do when the world got too fucking heavy to shoulder. Spinning the phone end over end between his fingers, Ryder stared at the blue half-moon surrounded by all her stars.
Ryder hit the speed dial for home. Two rings and then, “Boy, you okay?”
At the sound of Mason’s voice, Ryder wanted to curl up in a ball and cry like a fucking baby.
“No,” he said, his voice breaking on the word.
“You want your momma to hear?”
Ryder shook his head like Mason could see it, swallowed hard, and forced the answer past his tightened vocal chords. “No.”
“Hang on, I’m headed to the roof.”
A minute of static on the line later, and Mason said, “Boy, tell me you can see that moon.”
“I’m looking at it right now.” The same one, and somehow that made him feel better, like he wasn’t so far away from the man who should’ve been his real, biological father.
“Tell me.” Mason’s voice was deep and sleepy, somber.
“Robbie sent me a message.”
“Fuck.” A rasping sound came through like Mason was rubbing his hand over and over his beard. “Fuckin’ mother fucking fucker.”
Ryder huffed a hollow laugh. “Yep, that’s about right.”
“Tell me what it said.”
And he did. Ryder repeated the messages word-for-word from memory because apparently his mind was broken enough to cling tight to the shit that hurt him the most.
“You know, I told him this would happen. I called it. I told him not to give up his rights because he would regret it someday and come crawling back, and look what happened. I want to kill him. Not because I’m jealous he’s your real dad, but because he’s a fuckin’ asshole. Messin’ with your head like this,” Mason grumbled. “Well good. I’m glad he’s dyin’. I hope it’s going slow for him. What are you gonna do?”
Feeling completely lost, Ryder shook his head for a long time. “I met a girl.”
Mason was quiet for the span of three breaths before he murmured, “The girl?”
“I think so. I get heat in my chest around her, and she makes me want to fix all the bad shit in my head just to be good enough for her.”
“And now Robbie comes along.”
“Exactly. Terrible timing.” Ryder was tempted to tell him everything. Every awful memory Robbie had given him, but what good would that do now? It would only make Mason and Mom think they’d messed up somewhere along the line and been unapproachable. It wasn’t like that. Robbie had just convinced Ryder that if he tattled, he was weak and would always be weak. And he’d so badly wanted to be strong like Mason and the other Boarlanders he’d grown up idolizing. “I can’t think of a single reason why I should see him. Nothing he could possibly say would change things. I don’t want to spiral, you know? I’m just getting my life together, and I don’t want Robbie to hurt Lexi in any way. And I just get this awful feeling deep down in my gut that the backlash would trickle through me and into her.”
“And it would, especially if you’re bonded.”
“I don’t know if we’re bonded. I’ve thought that a dozen times before, and I wasn’t.”
“You got heat in your chest around her. That’s a good sign.”
It could also be a good sign Ryder was just desperate to see signs where there weren’t any, and he was determined to take things as slow as Lexi needed.
“Ryder, you know I have to tell your mom, right? I tell her everything. She should know Robbie’s trying to get back in your life.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Will you call us tomorrow and let us know how you’re holding up?”
“Sure.”
Mason let off an explosive exhale. “Ryder, you’ve always made me so fuckin’ proud. Anytime I was out with you in public and someone commented on you behaving, or being cute, or complimented my beautiful family, well I just puffed up a like a proud rooster. And then I got to watch you grow into this funny, loyal, good man, and I get cocky about it, like I had somethin’ to do with you growin’ up right. But it’s you. You’re strong like your momma. I’m sorry for what Robbie’s done. I always hated it, but I’m glad I got a shot at being your step-dad.”
Ryder swallowed over and over to make sure his voice would come out steady. “Mason, Robbie’s just Robbie.” His eyes burned, and he scrubbed his hand down his face. “You’re my real dad.”
Mason sounded all choked up when he said, “I love you, boy.”
Ryder wiped his damp cheek on his shoulder and murmured, “Love you, too.”
And after they hung up, Ryder responded to Robbie’s message.
You have the wrong number.
Ryder wasn’t the son of some abusive, prejudiced, dead-beat asshole.
He got lucky enough to be the son of the most honorable man he’d ever met.
Fuck Robbie.
Ryder was the son of Beast Boar.
Chapter Thirteen
Lexi wrung her hands over and over from her place on the couch as she stared directly at the front door. Even if it took him all night to come back, she would be here waiting.