Something was wrong with Ryder.
There was some deep ache inside of him that he was trying to soothe. She hadn’t realized it when he’d come at her like an animal earlier. She’d just recognized he wanted her and got lost in the moment because she loved him wild.
But the sick look on his face when they’d finished pierced her heart.
He’d bolted, but she wasn’t angry. She was worried.
His eyes—they’d never looked so bottomless and hollow. And his smile lines had disappeared like they’d never existed at all. It was as if he’d seen a ghost.
The door creaked open, and Ryder cast her a quick glance, then away. She didn’t miss it though—the shame there.
His voice cracked when he said, “I’m sorry I left like that.”
He stood there, gaze averted to the floor, shoulders hunched like he had a thousand pounds resting on them. His jeans were folded neatly and draped over his arm. Perhaps he’d Changed and hadn’t bothered to dress again.
“Can you come here?” she asked gently.
Ryder ran his palm roughly from the back of his hair to the front, mussing his fiery hair. He clenched his jaw so hard a muscle twitched under his eye, but he gave in and sat beside her.
“What happened?”
The air grew heavier, harder to breathe. “I know you want answers, but I need a little time.”
His rejection hurt. “Why won’t you just let me in?”
“Because I don’t want you to see this part of me. Not yet. It’s not something I’ve shared with anyone, and I’ve only had you one week, Lexi. I want more before you run.”
“I’m not running, so—”
“You will if you see how fucked up everything gets in my head. I’m working on being good enough for you—”
“You are good enough—”
“No, I’m not! Not yet. I will be. I swear it. I’ll work hard and get through my shit, but I want to tell you everything when I won’t break down like a fucking baby in front of you. Okay?”
“Give me something, Ryder. Please.”
Ryder grimaced, baring his teeth for a moment before he composed his face and poked a couple buttons on his cell phone. He handed it to her and then stood and strode for the bedroom, leaving her to read the damning messages alone.
His real dad was back, messaging him after twenty-five years of rejection and silence. After abandoning him and signing away all his parental rights. And as she read Ryder’s simple, clipped response, You have the wrong number, she knew his story was much deeper than he’d told her, or anyone else.
His real dad was dying, and still, Ryder wanted nothing to do with him.
Lexi clutched the phone to her chest, and something white caught her attention.
On her lap sat Ryder’s apology, a promise that he was still here. There sat his pledge that he was trying. He couldn’t give her all the answers yet, but he’d given her the piece of himself he was able.
On her lap sat a long, snow-white feather.
Chapter Fourteen
“Sexy Lexi, tell me you’re off work.”
Lexi giggled over the phone, but it was barely audible over all the raucous in the background. “Sorry, lover. I’ll have to join you boys later. I’ve got a bachelor party, and they hired me for a few extra hours to play bartender and make snacks. At least it’s in the big cabin! Plus they are tipping like crazy.”
Something big shattered in the background, and Ryder winced away from the phone. “What the hell was that?”
“Oh my gosh, I have to go. Someone just knocked over a vase. I love you. I love you! Don’t get drunk until I get there! Oh, and Ryder?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Congratulations. I’m so fucking proud of you! Tell Wes hi. Okay, gotta go.” She made a couple of smacking kiss noises into the phone, and then the line went dead.
Bachelor parties were now Ryder’s least favorite part of Lexi’s job. She was a professional personal chef, not a beer wench for drunken, sloppy wanker-faces.
Wes sat down at the bar beside him and ordered them a couple of beers from Bubba, Drat’s Boozehouse’s newest bartender.
“Is Lexi stuck at work?” Wes asked.
“Yeah, she’ll be here when she can.”
A lot had happened over the last week. A major push from Ryder and Wes had the Big Flight ATV Tours building almost finished, and today they’d booked their first paid tour, happening one month from today. With the deposit, the business was officially up and running and cause for celebration. Nine o’clock was still early to go hard at the shots, but Wes had wanted to meet up for dinner, just the two of them, like a fucking bro-date. He would have given him some major shit if he didn’t find it so cute. Wes played like he was hard, but ever since they were kids, he’d always made sure they got one-on-one blood brother time. The little stage-five clinger. Ryder hooked his arm around the back of his neck and ran his knuckles roughly over Wes’s dark hair.
“Get off, asshole,” Wes muttered, shoving him hard. He rubbed a hand over his hair and grumbled, “Man, that’s why I like wearing a baseball cap around you. Fuckin’ knuckle sandwiches, really? You’re like a child in a man’s body.”
“You looooove me,” Ryder sang, then took a long swig of beer and waggled his eyebrows once at Wes over the bottle.
“Speaking of loooooving someone, how are you and Lexi doing?”
“Fucking awesome, I want to marry her and put a dozen owl babies in her.”