“Everything is going to be okay,” he murmured in the darkness before dawn.
That was the most beautiful combination of six words in the English language, but for someone like her, they couldn’t ever be true. “It’s not,” she said. “I hurt people. I can’t stop hurting people. I don’t have any control of the cat. I never did.”
“It’s okay. I’m going to take care of you.”
And because she needed to purge her soul to the man she trusted more than anyone, she told him her deepest, darkest secret. “A man named Brody asked me on a date. And afterward, he kissed me at my door like a gentleman. And when I said goodnight and tried to shut the door on him, he forced his way in, took me to my bedroom, and hurt me.”
Against her, Jax went rigid, but stayed silent.
“And while he was hurting me, he bit me. She-Devil came out immediately.”
“He’ll die for what he did,” Jax murmured. “I’m already hunting him.”
Her face crumpled, and she buried her face against him to hide her weak tears. “You don’t have to. She-Devil killed him.”
There was a beat of stunned silence, and then Jax soothed her with a, “Shhhhh. Beautiful, brawling, courageous, badass Second of the Red Havoc Crew, it wasn’t murder. It was justice. She-Devil followed the rules of our people. She did good.”
“She was born of violence, and her first act was awful, Jax. And now I can feel the good parts of me shrinking to nothing. I know what’s coming. I see what she does at night, and in the daytime, too. I’m there, in the smallest corner of her messed up mind. I can see what she does, and I can’t stop her. I want you so bad, but I’m worse than ever now. Ben will put me down soon. He has to. And sometimes, when I’m exhausted and my body hurts like hell from the constant Changing, I think I’ll be relieved when he does.”
“Don’t talk like that. You’re on a journey, Anna. You’ve got yourself through the hard part. You’re tired and you’re limping. But you aren’t doing this alone anymore. I’m here. I’ll carry you until you can stand on your own two feet again. That bite mark on your neck? That wasn’t Titan’s pledge to She-Devil. That’s me, Jaxon Barns, telling you I’m fucking in this with you. I’ll carry you on my goddamn back until you can walk on your own again. But I will not allow you to be put down. You aren’t done with this life yet, little badass. You just got a big old beast put inside you, and you have to learn how to work with her.”
“How?”
“With support. You have Samuel and Red Havoc. And first and foremost, you have me for as long as you want. For every breath, every smile, every tear, I’ll be here right here beside you. Leaving didn’t fix anything for either of us. It hurt She-Devil, it hurt you, it hurt me, it hurt Titan. I tried to let you go so you could have a better life, but it didn’t take. So, this is where we dig our toes in against the hurricane that is your monster kitty and walk through the damn storm together. Deal? No quitting. I won’t let you.”
It felt so damn good to hear him pledge to weather her storm. So damn good. “I’ve done this alone this whole time,” she whispered. “It was awful. I had to let go of all my friends and family except for Samuel. If I hadn’t had you all those months, texting me, making me laugh and feel normal for precious minutes at a time, I would’ve buckled under She-Devil. You’ve been propping me up this whole time, and when you left last week, I fell.”
“I won’t let you fall again, Anna,” Jax promised, cupping her cheeks. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I swear to you I’ll keep you propped up until you get your strength back. Even if I have to stay awake every night to keep She-Devil safe, I’ll do it.” He swallowed hard and lowered his voice. “I couldn’t ever figure out why I was given Titan. I used to be so angry about him. Just…pissed off at whatever power decided that I needed to be the one to manage him. But last night, I was watching you fight your crew, watching how tough you are, and this thought filled my head. Maybe I’m Titan because you need me to be. You aren’t alone anymore. You never will be again.” His hands gentle on her cheeks, he eased her back and dipped his lips to hers. He drank her in slowly, his lips moving smoothly against hers. Slowly, he disengaged from the kiss and arched his back, drew her lips to the place right over his heart. “Your turn, Anna.”
“You want my bite? Even after what I told you?”
Jaxon’s smile was slow and evicted the sadness from his expression. “Now I know we match, Kitty. I didn’t want to be the only monster between us, dragging you down for always.”
“Now you know I’m a monster, too.”
“A hot monster.” His white teeth flashed. “A hot monster who needs to stop calling those damn lions into the territory or I’m gonna have to get all murdery. If you want dick, I’m your man.”
Annalise snorted a surprised laugh. “Didn’t you know those calls weren’t for the lions? She-Devil has been trying to get back to the place we were first together. She’s been hunting for you. She didn’t understand why you left.”
“Well,” he murmured, voice going low and soft. “Make it to where I can never leave again.”
Annalise searched his eyes, but there was nothing but sincerity in the soft brown color there. Inhaling deeply, she smiled up at him and said, “I like you.” She waited for his answering smile before she sank her teeth into his pec, right over his heart. He held her head closer, encouraging her, and didn’t flinch or gasp at the pain. That was for her. He was making it easier for her to hurt him. Good mate.