“Get off of me, you crazy old bag,” I ground out and tried to nail her with a solid left. She ducked and backslapped my head.
“I said no tattoos and no piercings till you’re fifty,” she yelled. “Where is it?”
“Oh my GOD,” I screeched as I trapped her head with my legs in a scissors hold. “You need meds.”
“Tried ‘em. They didn’t work,” she grumbled as she escaped from my hold. She grabbed me from behind as I tried to make a run for my car and ripped out my belly button ring.
“Ahhhhhhgrhupcraaap, that hurt, you nasty old bat from Hell.” I screamed and looked down at the bloody hole that used to be really cute and sparkly. “That was a one carat diamond, you ancient witch.”
Both of her eyebrows shot up and I swear to god they touched her hairline.
“Okay, fine,” I muttered. “It was cubic zirconia, but it was NOT cheap.”
“Hookers have belly rings,” she snapped.
“No, hookers have pimps. Normal people have belly rings, or at least they used to,” I shot back as I examined the wound that was already closing up.
“Come give your granny a hug,” she said and put her arms out.
I approached warily just in case she needed to dole out more punishment for my piercing transgression. She folded me into her arms and hugged me hard. That was the thing about my granny. What you saw was what you got. Everyone always knew where they stood with her. She was mad and then she was done. Period.
“Lawdy, I have missed you, child,” she cooed.
“Missed you too, you old cow.” I grinned and hugged her back. I caught Dwayne out of the corner of my eye. He was even paler than normal if that was possible and he had placed his hands over his pierced ears.
“Granny, I brought my…”
“Gay Vampyre best friend,” she finished my introduction. She marched over to him, slapped her hands on her skinny hips and stared. She was easily a foot shorter than Dwayne, but he trembled like a baby. “Do you knit?” she asked him.
“Um…no, but I’ve always wanted to learn,” he choked out.
She looked him up and down for a loooong minute, grunted and nodded her head. “We’ll get along just fine then. Get your asses inside before the neighbors call the cops.”
“Why would they call the cops?” Dwayne asked, still terrified.
“Well boy, I live amongst humans and I just walloped my granddaughter on the front lawn. Most people don’t think that’s exactly normal.”
“Point,” he agreed and hightailed it to the house.
“Besides,” she cackled. “Wouldn’t want the sheriff coming over to arrest you now, would we?”
I rolled my eyes and flipped her the bird behind her back.
“Saw that, girlie,” she said.
Holy Hell, she still had eyes in the back of her head. If I was smart, I’d grab Dwayne, get in my car and head back to Chicago…but I had a killer to catch and a whole lot to prove here. Smart wasn’t on my agenda today.
Chapter 3
The house was exactly the same as it was the last time I saw it a year ago. Granny had more crap on her tables, walls and shelves than an antique store. Dwayne was positively speechless and that was good. Granny took her décor seriously.
“I’m a little disappointed that you want to be a model, Essie,” Granny sighed. “You have brains and a mean right hook. Never thought you’d try to coast by with your looks.”
I gave Dwayne the I’ll kill you if you tell her I’m an agent on a mission look and thankfully he understood. While I hated that my granny thought I was shallow and jobless, it was far safer that she didn’t know why I was really here.
“Well, you know…I just need to make a few bucks, then get back to my life in the big city,” I mumbled. I was a sucky liar around my granny and she knew it.
“Hmmm,” she said, staring daggers at me.
“What?” I asked, not exactly making eye contact.
“Nothin’. I’m just lookin’,” she challenged.
“And what are you looking at?” I blew out an exasperated sigh and met her eyes. A challenge was a challenge and I was a Werewolf…
“A bald face little fibber girl,” she crowed. “Spill it or I’ll whoop your butt again.”
Dwayne quickly backed himself into a corner and slid his phone out of his pocket. That shit was going to video my ass kicking. I had several choices here…destroy Dwayne’s phone, elaborate on my lie or come clean. The only good option was the phone.
“Fine,” I snapped and sucked in a huge breath. The truth will set you free or result in a trip to the ER… “I’m an agent with the Council—a trained killer for WTF and I’m good at it. The fact that I’m a magnet for trouble has finally paid off. I’m down here to find out who in the hell is killing Werewolves before it blows up in our faces. I plan to find the perps and destroy them with my own hands or a gun, whichever will be most painful. Then I’m going to castrate Hank with a dull butter knife. I plan on a short vacation when I’m done before going back to Chicago.”
For the first time in my twenty-eight years on Earth, Granny was mute. It was all kinds of awesome.
“Can I come on the vacation?” Dwayne asked.
“Yes. Cat got your tongue, old woman?” I asked.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” she said almost inaudibly. “I suppose this shouldn’t surprise me. You are a female alpha bitch.”