“Of course.” His mate’s fingers gripping his chin, her tone unbending. “We handle stuff like this together. Don’t you forget it.”
“I wouldn’t dare.” It was a tease but it was also a truth. Sienna might be younger than him, but she was more than capable of calling him on the carpet and holding his behavior to account. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Hey.” She rose up to rub her nose over his. “It’ll be all right.”
Hawke pressed his forehead to her own. “It’s fucking hard knowing I hurt Alexei this badly.” He’d always felt differently toward his youngest lieutenant, could remember Alexei as a shell-shocked seven-year-old boy who’d clung to a teenaged Hawke’s hand the day they buried Alexei and Brodie’s parents.
Brodie had come in wolf form, had pressed his furry body against Hawke’s other side.
Hawke had just become a too-young alpha, one who’d been forced to make a bloody decision that had left two small boys as orphans. A year ago, he’d made the same terrible decision all over again, only this time, he’d left Alexei the sole survivor of the Harte-Vasiliev family. “I fucking broke Alexei’s heart.”
“I know.” Sienna petted his nape, kissed his jaw. “I know, baby.” Shining eyes, a thickness in her voice. “But you had no choice. Otherwise Alexei would’ve been put in an awful position. You know he doesn’t blame you.”
Thank you. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d had to do it.
Grief-stricken words spoken by the lethally trained dominant Hawke had watched grow from a boy to a man he would have at his back anytime. “I know, but it doesn’t help when I remember how long it’s been since I saw the real Alexei.” Though one of the quietest of Hawke’s lieutenants, Alexei had always had a sly sense of humor that took others by surprise. But he rarely laughed these days, his entire being riven with anger.
Hawke was used to making hard decisions, but the one to execute Brodie, it haunted him. “I remember taking Lexie on a hunt when he was a juvenile and how proud he was to be asked along by his alpha.” The age difference between them was only eight years, but when a man was twenty-two and a boy fourteen, it mattered, even more so because they were wolves and Hawke was Alexei’s alpha.
Sienna ran her hand down his spine. “He loves you, Hawke. There’s a reason you scheduled his secondment here at this time, and it’s the same reason he didn’t ask to reschedule—he still turns to you when the pain gets to be too much.” A kiss on the lips, tender and soft. “I know this is the worst possible day for you to go into the bunker.” Fingers stroking through his hair. “Don’t let it get to you.”
His mate was comforting him as he’d let only her. An alpha wolf could never be anything but the strongest person in the room—except when alone with his mate. Sienna knew his every scar, his every vulnerability. If she ever asked him to kneel down so she could slit his throat, he’d do it without blinking. Wolves didn’t mate lightly, and the strongest dominants in the pack were even worse. Possessive, protective, demanding—and devoted. His every breath was hers.
“I won’t,” he promised. “Those bastards hurt my pack once. I won’t allow them to wound us a second time.”
Leaving his mate to finish getting dressed, after which he knew she had a quick breakfast meeting with another soldier, he detoured to the den’s large central kitchen to grab a breakfast roll. An hour before dawn, it was mostly those on the early shift grabbing food and coffee before heading out, but their senior healer was also up and about.
“Hawke.” Lara smiled, the natural dark tan of her face luminous and her high cheekbones softer than they’d been a few months earlier.
Cupping the back of her head, he kissed her gently on the lips while putting one hand on the curve of her belly. “How is my new packmate?” This close to full term, the pup was developed enough to sense their alpha, and would be calmed by the contact.
“All sharp elbows and footballing feet.” Lara leaned into him, unashamed of needing extra contact from her alpha at this time in her life. “Slowing down now though. Not much room in there.”
He held her close while he touched base with the others in the room. Every single wolf gave Lara’s belly an affectionate pat after glancing at her to make sure the skin privileges were acceptable. All adults in the den knew not to assume anything with a pregnant wolf; they might get their paws bitten off for daring.
Pregnant soldiers had been known to break the odd finger when a packmate got too excited and made contact without permission. The wounded winced, got the finger splinted, and accepted that it was their own damn fault, while other packmates just shook their heads at their stupidity.
Lara, however, was a healer, linked to every single member of SnowDancer through her bond with Hawke. Touch was a cornerstone of her life, the friendly touch of packmates welcome. She not only wanted the contact, she glowed under it.
Afterward, as Hawke ate his breakfast standing up, Lara said, “I’m sending Lucy with you to the substation.” She rubbed the arch of her back. “I’m not exactly sprightly enough to scramble over rough terrain.”
Thank the deities that watched out for wolf alphas. Hawke had not been looking forward to that argument. “I’m on my way to see what Judd turned up overnight,” he said after swallowing the last of his roll. “You want to come along, see if there’s anything medical Lucy needs to know?”
Lara nodded and waited for him to pour himself a mug of coffee before the two of them walked out into a hallway gray with softly dawning artificial sunlight. That technology was one of the best things to have come out of SnowDancer’s research labs. Not only had sales and maintenance of the tech exponentially increased the pack’s income, it had made the transition between inside the den and outside it a seamless one.
Hawke drank his coffee as he walked, his mind on Alexei and the E. If there was anything good about the situation, it was that Alexei would hopefully be too busy today to be tormented by the anniversary of Brodie’s execution and why it had been necessary. Hawke would speak to Etta’s family before he left for the substation, but he knew they were healing better than Alexei.
Last time he’d seen them, Etta’s father had said how much they missed Alexei. “He shouldn’t be ashamed to visit us, shouldn’t be ashamed of his love for his brother,” the older man had said, tears in his eyes. “Our Etta would never want him to lose us when he’s lost so much already. Tell him to join us on the anniversary. We’ll talk. Remember.”
Hawke had passed on the invitation to Alexei, but as far as he knew, Lexie had kept his distance. He was too angry at Brodie to join in any day of remembrance.
“I did some reading on long-term captivity last night.” Lara’s tone was quiet but garnered his full attention. “If Alexei’s right and the empath was kept in the bunker for years, the damage could be catastrophic.”
“Chance of recovery?”
“No way to tell right now. Some captives recover with a lot of help and attention, while others spiral into breakdown, self-destructive behavior, even suicide.” White lines bracketed Lara’s mouth. “It also depends on what was done to her. If she was a child when taken . . .” Shaking her head, she cradled her bump with unconscious protectiveness. “I need to see her, assess her. Just . . . be kind.”
Hawke didn’t take offense. Lara knew that as alpha he could never trust a stranger who hadn’t proven herself, but he wasn’t incapable of gentleness. If the E was no threat, he’d treat her as he would a hurt submissive. “She’s been with Alexei overnight,” he reminded his healer. “If she’s survived him, we’re on the right track.”
Lara groaned. “I adore him to pieces, but he’s half growl these days even when he smiles.”
Neither one of them spoke about the reason behind the shift in Alexei’s personality. It was better to simply accept the change, accept Alexei as he was now—because some losses scarred a man forever, and you either lived with it or let it break you. Alexei had found a way to live with it. “Is he still avoiding skin privileges?”
“Never to a dangerous point,” Lara murmured. “He’s compulsive about ensuring he has enough skin-to-skin contact with a packmate to ward off any instability.” A glance up at Hawke. “Only, I don’t think Alexei allows himself to enjoy any of it. He accepts it like a pill he has to take.”
Hawke shoved a hand through his hair. Wolves, like most changelings, were tactile creatures. Deprived of touch for too long, the dominants in particular tended to become aggressive—and Alexei had always been incredibly tactile. Not just in intimate situations. He might appear remote to outsiders, but he was a wolf who always had open arms for packmates who needed to be held. “He have any problems finding partners?”
“No. He sticks to friends who know him, and who’re willing to give him the contact he needs without recriminations or demands. That’s part of the problem.”
Hawke knew what Lara didn’t—that Alexei didn’t want to find a woman who meant more to him than a friend. And his reasons weren’t anything logic could overcome. Hawke’s youngest lieutenant had a terrible, painful motive for chasing aloneness.
“Hawke.” Judd exited the den’s tech center not far in front of them. “I was just coming to find you.”
“You got something on Alexei’s foundling?”
Judd’s gold-flecked dark eyes gave nothing away, but his words were ominous. “You need to see this.”
Chapter 12
Alexei Harte: SnowDancer wolf, 6.2, blond, gray-eyed, and panty-melting gorgeous. Word is, he’s won more dominance challenges than any other wolf in the pack. The wild women in SnowDancer tell us it’s because outsiders see his pretty face and think he’ll be an easy takedown. Most of those outsiders are still healing from various broken bones and internal injuries.