“Surrender yourselves,” I state in observation, drawing all of their attention toward me. “That’s what Jahl kept saying.”
“It wanted us to be mindless puppets like its other stupid servants, who clearly didn’t know what they were signing on for,” Gage says as though it should be obvious.
“I don’t find it a coincidence that it picked off Jude—the most resistant—but didn’t come after the three of us,” I point out.
“I made it too easy because I was drunker than I realized,” Jude states as though he feels stupid enough and I’m only making it worse.
“Or maybe that’s why she needs surrender,” Ezekiel says quietly, as though he’s picked up my trail and is quickly catching up. “Because it’s a weakness to get that close to it otherwise.”
Everyone grows quiet, and Jude slowly shakes his head. “No. I didn’t struggle for control. I struggled to keep that voice out of my head,” he says quietly. “But it’s not the same as what I felt when I had her all to myself. It’s a different sort of surrender she demands. I just don’t understand it enough to pick apart what I need to do, and all of your ramblings are vague and extremely unhelpful.”
He siphons out in the next instant, and Gage shoots me a look.
“Back off him. You’re making this worse. It’s a complicated setup, and we’re not the same men the old Paca prepared for. It’s not as though he can snap his fingers, and do whatever in the hell it is we did,” he tells me.
“I’m reluctantly understanding of the circumstances,” I confess, my own gaze swinging up to meet his. “We’ve learned a lot these past few weeks that propelled our own individual attachments. But can you honestly say you won’t blame him if she dies because she wasn’t strong enough, simply because Death couldn’t figure out how to love a woman—one who’d quite literally do anything at all for us?”
Ezekiel stays notably silent as he starts kissing down the side of her neck. She makes a sound of pleasure, rousing from her sleep, as Gage continues to stare at me like he doesn’t want to have to answer this question.
“It’s an unfinished puzzle with half-cooked theories and incalculable probabilities,” he finally says, keeping the words quiet. “Don’t put this all on his shoulders just because you’re scared of losing her. We all share that fear right now, him included.”
The old, all-powerful Paca put her secondary trigger inside of us as a backup plan, in case she couldn’t win against Jahl. Only, we can’t use that trigger on Jahl inside his cage without blowing us all to pieces.
We don’t even know how to flip that switch, and will have nothing to rely on but instinct.
Even if we manage to use it, it’s a doomed fate that may not even pay off in Purgatory. Our destructive design was meant for humans on the surface.
“What’s going on?” Paca asks around a distracted moan, as Ezekiel tears down the covers to expose her still battered body that looks a lot worse when she’s naked.
I bite down on my fist, my attention finally removed from Gage, as I fight back the rage coursing through me.
I want to kill the angels who did this to her, even if she did request for it to be done.
I want to strangle a man I’ve shared a true bond with for longer than I can remember, simply because he can’t appreciate how very little time is possibly left for all of us.
There’s nothing left to lose at this point.
If she goes, we go too.
I don’t give a shit what the old Paca wanted. The one on the bed before me is the only one who matters, and I already lived in a world where she didn’t exist for a really long time.
I didn’t know what was missing from our otherwise mediocre lives.
None of us did.
I can’t go back to that now that I finally understand.
As Ezekiel parts her legs and pushes inside her, I stand, already stripping down. Gage does the same.
“Where’s Jude?” she asks, even as she grins wickedly at me.
“He’s taking a breather,” Gage tells her as he leans down to claim her mouth with his, silencing any further questions.
I’m going to enjoy the hell out of her this next week.
Just in case.
I’ve made my decision.
It’s not hard to see that Ezekiel and Gage are on the same page as I am.
Jude’s the only one who may not be willing to pull that trigger and blow us all away with Jahl.
But it’s sure as hell better than ever dealing with the possibility of facing Jahl later, after he’s stronger, and living on without Paca until the beast comes to claim all of Hell.
“We have seven days,” I tell her, which has Gage exhaling harshly as she breaks the kiss with him.
She cuts her gaze to me in confusion, even as Ezekiel works her body under his, fucking her harder after the words leave my mouth.
“What? Why?” she asks, even as another moan slips out of her lips and her legs coil around his waist, heels pressing into his ass to drive him in deeper.
“The why doesn’t even matter at this point, Paca. Seven days,” I repeat as Ezekiel turns them, bringing her down on top of him, as Gage moves to be in front of her.
She doesn’t get to formulate another answer, because Gage uses the new position to his advantage. With one hand in her hair, he drags her mouth to the tip of his cock, and her breath gets shaky before she gives it a timid lick.
Breath hisses between his lips, as I slowly slick down my own cock, preparing it for her undeniably tempting ass.
“You’re going to be thoroughly appreciated this week,” Gage tells her as her mouth begins to work him.
She stiffens when I move in behind her, spreading her ass and readying myself to join in. But she moans around a mouthful of Gage as I slowly push inside, feeling the pressure through that thin, dividing wall, as Ezekiel continues to thrust into her from underneath.
Either we win.
Or we all die together with the only girl who will ever truly love us all equally. I never thought it possible before her.
What’s the point if we find what we’re searching for, only to lose it all in the end?
Chapter 18
JUDE
Her skin is healing fast. The three of them hogged her for the entire night, while lecturing me on spending more time alone with her, ironically enough.
She’s curled against me, possibly because I’m the only one in the bed to be curled against. The others went to speak to Lamar more about this second trigger and to try to learn how to actually use the damn thing.
It’s not as though we have an instruction manual guiding us or anything.
Paca sits up, staring at the side of my face as though she’s surprised to wake up and find me at her side. She gives me a lazy grin as she kisses my chest and starts to get up.
“Stay put,” I tell her, forcing her back to the position I had her.
I pat her on the head when she does as she’s told for once.
“What…are you doing?” she asks as though she’s both worried and confused.
“Thinking,” I tell her, wondering what it is that unlocks this mystery emotion that fuses us together like she’s done with the others.
She continues staring as though that’s not enough explanation.
“You lie like this with the others without protest quite often. Why is it you seem to take issue when it’s me asking to lie with you?” I ask, annoyed with how surprised she looks any time I try to.
She gives me a dry look. “When you ask things like that with a straight face, it makes me worry you’re being serious,” she tells me, throwing my own words back at me.
Narrowing my eyes, I exhale harshly. “I am being serious.”
She snorts as though she finds that humorous. “And you have the nerve to call me ridiculous.”
“You are ridiculous,” I assure her.
Giving me a bland look, she gestures to me. “Why do you look so miserable if you want to be lying next to me?”
Okay…fair enough.
“Because I’m trying to figure out how to do that thing that fuses us together like you did with the other three. Kai suggested spending more time with you, but I simply don’t know what I’m missing to make—”
“What?” she asks, her voice getting soft as she sits straight up, staring down at me.
“That thing. I can’t even say the damn word to you right now for whatever fucking reason, but I’m—”
“Jude, why are you trying so hard to do the ‘love thing’ if you’re not in love with me?” she asks as her brow furrows.
I’m not sure if I am or not, to be completely fucking honest. I’m not sure that you want to strangle someone and die to protect them at the same time if you’re in love.
It’s hard to say if I’d lay down my life for her, if the others weren’t so willing to do it already, since that’s not a decision I get to make.
Now this is incredibly uncomfortable, because she’s still staring like she expects an explanation.
“You get stronger when we do that thing with you. I’m the only one left. You need to be the strongest if you’re going to—”
She goes phantom and zaps across the room, angrily stomping over to grab her crown once she turns whole. I watch, with some admitted confusion, as she turns a glare on me.
“What?” I snap.
“You’ve taken a lot of joy out of all this for me. I have seven days left. You won’t be allowed to steal any of that joy by turning the best part about all of this into some power show. Fuck. You.”
She flips me the bird, tears waver on her eyelids, and she turns to stalk out like I’ve somehow done something incredibly wrong.
What the hell have I taken the joy out of?
Why does her expectations for Death rise instead of fall?
“Spend time with her, Jude,” I say, mocking the words Kai said to me yesterday after she dozed off again. “The only way you’ll get there is if you quit fighting long enough to understand.”
Understand what? Hell if I know.
“She was more willing to fuck me when I was fighting her off instead of stripping down and lying next to her,” I gripe to myself, searching for my clothes. “It’s almost like she seeks the challenge now that I’ve gone and made it too easy.”
“It sucks to be you,” Kai quips from behind me, startling the hell out of me.
I turn around to find his lips tilted in a mocking smile, but it falls quickly.
“I take it you didn’t do the love thing,” he says as though he’s now annoyed.
“In the short amount of time she was awake, I got flipped off, managed to make her almost cry, and watched her stalk off like I was ruining these seven days. I don’t even fucking know what I did wrong this time. She seemed to like me better when I fucking hated her and found her too suspicious,” I growl as I angrily shove my legs into my pants.