His eyes closed, and I felt a wall slam between us. As he turned away, I already knew he’d retreated from me. “We should go to bed. I am a little tired.”
We had another day of school before the weekend. Sometimes I wondered why we attended school, but Kellan always said a part of us were human. We should live as much as we could as humans do. And he was right, though we had demon blood in us didn’t mean… Who was I kidding?
I remembered the painter’s words. “They’re demons. You’re not.”
Kellan started to go inside, but when he saw that I didn’t follow, he turned back. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not one of you.” I whispered those words and stared at him. A part of me wanted him to refute those words. I wanted him to say that I was. We both knew he couldn’t. “I’m not a demon, so does that mean I don’t have demon blood in me? Who am I, Kellan? You told me that you’d answer my questions. That’s my second one.”
Exhaustion appeared on his face as he stepped close and took my hand. He whispered back, tenderly “I will answer you, but not now.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but he shook his head.
“I never agreed on a time restriction. I will answer that question, but not yet. And you are one of us. You’re family.” His hands squeezed mine once before letting go. “Come on. You can sleep with me tonight.”
Something calmed inside of me. The human world didn’t approve of something like this, but something more primal existed in us. I still felt it, even if I wasn’t a demon. Being close to another, to one whom you trusted, calmed us. I remembered Kellan’s other words. “You can’t hide from what’s demanding to come out. The more you’re with me, the angrier it will get.”
He spoke now, as if reading my mind, “You quieted it. It’s sleeping, or you’ve turned it off.”
What is inside of me? My eyes clasped together tightly as I thought that. I put a hand over my stomach, as if calming the storm inside.
“Shay,” Kellan spoke, now in front of the house.
I hadn’t noticed that he’d gone ahead of me. “What?”
He gestured inside. “Come on. I want to sleep.”
My head bent forward, and I followed, feeling meek for some reason, as I followed Kellan up the three flights of stairs to his bedroom. He kept the loft on the top floor. The rest of us had the three bedrooms on the second floor. As I climbed up the stairs to his room, my eyes caught sight of his king-sized bed. Images of girls writhing around in desire flashed in my mind. I barely held back my revulsion.
Kellan laughed softly from his bathroom. “I can feel your thoughts again. I’ve never brought a girl here, Shay. This is a sacred place.”
Later, as we had both gotten dressed and ready for bed, Kellan lay beside me. I felt his heat curled against my side. Something felt right, but something didn’t at the same time. He said softly in the dark, “You don’t have to be scared of what’s coming in the future. You’re my family.”
The way he said ‘my family’ sparked something powerful in me. It was as if he laid claim to me or would die protecting me. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I wasn’t brave enough to ask. A part of me was scared of his answer to that question, so I remained silent with my hands curled in the blanket.
“Sleep,” he murmured next.
I closed my eyes, and a contentedness filled my limbs. I felt sleep invade my body, and when I woke, I felt refreshed, as if I’d slept for an entire week. I glanced at the clock. It had only been four hours. I looked the other way and saw that Kellan was gone. His space was empty, and his shower was running.
It was an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach as I tiptoed out of his room and down to mine. It was like I was hiding a secret, but when I was about to enter my room, Gus spoke from the hallway, “You don’t have to feel ashamed.”
I glanced back and saw she was in Vespar’s doorway. “What do you mean?”
“You slept in Kellan’s bed last night. It’s not the same for us as it is with humans. It’s not about sex, but comfort.” She straightened to her fullest height. Then she tossed her blonde tendrils over her shoulder. “Vespar is my brother more than Kellan is. More my sibling than you are. You’re feeling human emotions right now, but why you stayed with him last night wasn’t human.”
I swallowed painfully and tried to understand what she meant.
She sighed. “We’re like animals, Shay. It’s natural to sleep beside each other.”
As she said that, I knew she meant it. However, there was something else in her. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. Before I could start to try to figure out which, she smiled tiredly and waved over her shoulder. “See you at school, Shay. I’m sure all eyes are going to be on us now.”
I’d called out another Braden in a class. She was right. They were all right. It wasn’t done, but I hadn’t understood why I had done it. I’d felt a sense of urgency at speaking the truth at that moment. Now, I knew that I’d wanted to break free from the Braden name. There were rules that went with being in our family, but I wasn’t totally one of them. I was different. Somehow. I felt that a part of me wanted to act on it, as if setting it in motion that I really wasn’t one of them. Then I remembered what else Kellan had said the night before. “You’re my family.”
I might not share the same blood, the same demon blood, but he was right. I was still family to them… Wasn’t I?