My body trembled, and I felt the fight inside of it.
“Shay.” He flung his hand up, and something sparked me. My body hit the wall again, and when I looked back, Kellan was right in front of me. His hand cupped the side of my face. “Shay?”
I nodded. Weak. “I’m okay. What was that?”
He grimaced again and looked even more exhausted than before. “I should check on Leah.”
“No.” I stopped him with a hand on his arm. Something propelled me toward her room. “I can help her. I know it.” I didn’t know how, but I felt it. When I opened her door, Leah was curled in a fetal position on her bed. She had wrapped a blanket over her and didn’t move, not even when I sat on the edge of her bed. With a hand placed on her arm, I closed my eyes, bent my head, and something warm went through me into her. I didn’t know what it was, but it felt right. As it ended, I looked back up and knew that Leah slept in peace.
She looked the same as I had entered the room, but everything had changed. I didn’t know what I did, but I knew she’d be fine. Somehow, her parents’ death would make sense to her, and she’d be all right now.
I went back and closed the door behind me. Kellan stayed where I had left him, tense. Then his eyes seemed to search mine, into me, when he asked, “What’d you do?”
“I don’t know, but I do know that you need to give me answers. What am I, Kellan? You tell me now, or I’ll let loose whatever I have inside of me. Whatever that is, hates you. And I know that it wants to hurt you. It would do it now if I let it. Because I love you, and even though I don’t share the same blood, I am still family to you. I won’t let that happen, but I can’t hold it off much longer. It’s getting stronger, Kellan.”
He nodded, closed off to me. “I know.”
“So what am I?”
Resignation clung to him. “You’re the opposite of what I am.”
“I’m an angel?” Even as I asked that, I was wondering to myself if I actually believed in them. I had thought I was a demon.
Kellan shook his head. “You’re a Nephilim.”
“What’s that?”
“Part of your blood is from a messenger, yes. Part of you is human. That’s the part that’s mine.” He spoke with the same force as before.
It stirred inside of me, but I controlled it. I wasn’t going to let it out, not when I was finally getting answers. “I’m…how…there’s a lot that I don’t understand, Kellan.”
He nodded, sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I am.” Then he looked away. “I can’t lie to you. I—”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head abruptly. “I can’t tell you anything more. I don’t know anything more.”
I was half of a messenger. He was half of a demon. Who the hell were our parents? How did we end up under the same roof? “Do Vespar and Gus know?”
“No!” Kellan laughed out, hoarse. “God no. They’d… They can’t know. Trust me.”
“Why?” Although I was pretty sure I knew why.
“Because they’d kill you. You know that.”
I had, but it was painful hearing it. “And you? Why don’t you kill me? Why haven’t you tried?” I laughed. The sound came out nearly hysterical. “This makes us enemies, doesn’t it? Something inside of me wants to kill you. I’m sure your demon wants to do the same to me.”
Kellan quieted and watched me. His eyes seemed to pierce me, looking into my soul. It was uncomfortable and I waved a hand. “Stop it. Just…stop it. I can’t handle you being inside of me.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m trying to figure out what to say to you to make it better. I don’t know what to say right now.”
“You know everything.” All my life, Kellan had been our leader. He’d been the strongest. The fastest. The most powerful. The one who always knew what to do, who could handle anything. He couldn’t handle this and that said a lot. At the same time, it was like he’d taken a knife to my heart. I felt him stabbing me one, two, three times—like I’d been gutted. “What am I supposed to do with this information? Where do I go now?”
Something shifted in him, and he glanced to Leah’s room. “She’s okay?”
“Yeah. She’ll be fine now.”
“She won’t need me here?”
“No, she shouldn’t. I made it okay with her. I don’t know how, but she’ll be fine. She might remember, she might not. She might think of something to justify everything in her mind. I don’t know, but she’ll be fine. She’s at peace now.”
I had done that. The messenger inside of me had done that. It felt right, but strange. It also felt like I’d chosen a different side. The line had been drawn. With that action I chose the other side. Kellan might not admit it, but we were enemies. I felt it in me. A part of me wanted to kill him.
“Let’s go somewhere. I’ll…” But he didn’t know what to say. Kellan looked around, helpless. I saw it all over his face. It was heart-wrenching. He had no idea how to make this better, and my brother always knew. Then he frowned sharply. “Why did you come here again?”
Where did I start? “Vespar came up to me at school today. He thinks you’re angry with him. Then Gus pleaded with me to find you. She’s scared that you and Vespar are going to fight, breaking all of us up.”