“What, Evey?” His deep dimple appeared. It was cocky Lucian.
I gave in to him. “Nothing. You’ve had years to stare at me; I just want to look at you.”
“That’s fair.” He winked.
I sat next to him and felt something sticking out of the sheet under my leg. It was a thick black feather. I held it up. “Looks like you lost one.”
Lucian stared at it impassively. Several long, silent, strange seconds went by.
“What’s wrong?” I said.
“That’s impossible.” He stood quickly, and his astounding wings were suddenly spread on full display. He was inspecting them.
After taking the feather from my hand, he pressed it to his wing and let go, but it just drifted, slowly and sadly, to the floor as we both followed it with our eyes. Lucian’s expression was pure horror. I was just confused.
“What? That doesn’t happen?” I reached for it.
“Never,” he said, staring off into space.
I held the feather for a second before it turned to ash.
“Poof,” Lucian said, in shock.
“What does this mean?”
“I don’t know.”
He retracted his wings and plopped onto the bed. The first ungraceful thing I had ever seen him do. He sank down and curled into me, clearly seeking comfort.
“Are you okay?” I said.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to go see Mona tonight. She’ll know.” He closed his eyes.
I knew he didn’t sleep, so I just held him. It was hard to believe I wasn’t in panic mode. My whole world had shifted on its axis. Questions were running through my mind at hyper speed. For a moment, I thought everything I’d ever wanted to know could be answered. I could ask Lucian anything. The meaning of life was within my grasp, but strangely, this cocky, brilliant, funny, attractive celestial being was just a lost little boy who had been existing on sheer faith like so many of us. He knew little more than I did about God, religion, and the afterlife. I should have been terrified, but Lucian was real in my hands. I trusted him implicitly. I could feel that we had always been connected.
“Do you want a drink?” I asked.
He shook his head. After a few seconds of silence and some deep breaths, he said, “I’m not going to let one little disintegrating feather ruin our day.” He smiled, seeming satisfied, before closing his eyes again and nuzzling into my chest.
“Right,” I said.
A moment later, his eyes shot open as he sat up quickly. “I just realized something.”
“What?” I asked.
“I’m free. Fuck, let’s do something. Let’s go have sex in the shower and go eat and go to a movie and go dancing and walk through Golden Gate Park. Let’s sail. Do you want to sail? What about bowling? Oh my God, I want to dance in the rain. I want to hold your hand on the trolley. Let’s go to the Wharf and eat clam chowder. Let’s take one of those shitty ferries to Alcatraz and then I’ll fly us back. I’m only one feather short. You should see Zack’s wings; seriously, it’s amazing the guy can even get off the ground. I’ll be fine. I feel like a million bucks. Evey, I feel alive!” He was excited, triumphant even, and talking a million miles an hour.
“I’ll do anything you want. Do you want to meet my parents?” Why I had the urge to take Lucian to my parents’ house, I’ll never know, but it was a strong urge.
“Jane and Steve? Yeah, I know them well.”
“But they don’t know you.”
“True. Let’s go to Oakland to see your parents. After the shower sex though, okay?”
I kissed him on the nose. “Deal.”
I called my mom and asked if we could come out for dinner. I told her I was bringing someone for them to meet. Thinking back to the conversation I had had with my parents earlier, she must have thought I was hesitant to introduce them.
“Is this the guy you told your father about?” she asked.
“What guy?” I said, forgetting momentarily that I had mentioned my date from the other night. “Oh yeah, sort of.”
“Sort of?” There was no humor in my mother’s voice.
“He’s been a good friend for a while. You guys will like him. We just started dating.”
“Okay, I’ll make spaghetti. Will he like that?”
“I’m sure, Mom.”
Lucian was already in the shower. “Get in here,” he yelled.
I covered the mouthpiece of the phone and yelled back, “One second.” I returned to my mother. “Mom, we’ll be there in about an hour.”
“Okay, honey. Love you.”
When I left my room to head toward the bathroom, Brooklyn was leaning against the wall in the hall, staring me down. I scowled at her. “Mind your own business,” I said before she could even get a word out.
“I’m just shocked is all. And I’m leaving, getting a bite with Cherry.”
Cherry was the friend Brooklyn always tried to use to make me jealous. Brooklyn and I clearly had an unhealthy relationship, but I didn’t care anymore, and I wasn’t jealous of her friendship with Cherry. Cherry was a head case.
Inside the bathroom, I undressed. Unabashed, I stepped into the shower behind Lucian. He turned immediately and took me in his arms.
“Hello, beautiful,” he said, and then his mouth was on my neck, and there was no more talking.
Shower sex isn’t always easy or satisfying. It rarely is, actually, but with Lucian, it was pure bliss. I was weightless. Even after we were through, I felt like everything was perfect and right in the world. But how could it be, when what we were doing must have been breaking some cosmic law of the universe?