“You call your animal She-Devil?” he asked softly, looking down at her.
She cuddled closer against his side and nodded. “She’s a beast. I think she needs a crew. Or at the very least people around who can stop me if I get out of control.”
“So, you’re putting yourself in another cage. Out here.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way, but yeah, kind of. “The crew might be the bars of my cage now, but at least it feels more like freedom.”
Jaxon sighed and rested his chin on top of her head. “You need Red Havoc?”
Heart aching, she nodded. “I think so.”
His heartbeat was racing under her hand as he whispered, “Then we’ll get you Red Havoc.” It sounded like an oath. Like a promise to keep her safe and secure, what she needed. But she knew that meant he wouldn’t be in the picture, and right now, that was unimaginable.
“Don’t leave,” she pleaded. “I need the cage, but I don’t want to be alone again.”
“You’ll have your crew—”
“You keep me steady. It’s different with Ben and the boys. Sometimes they make me feel worse. Like I have less control. And I’m so lonely, Jax. Please. Stay here, and we can sneak and see each other while I learn about this…this…thing that I am. Stay for a few days.”
“You want me to be your secret?” he asked. She didn’t miss the hurt that tainted his voice.
“Until Ben gets over whatever prejudice he has against outside shifters. I just…I don’t know what I’m doing, but when I’m touching you, I feel like everything is going to be okay somehow.”
“It will be okay,” he promised, his deep voice steady. Truth. He truly believed it. “I’ll stay in town and make sure you get settled here. And when I know you’re safe and happy, I’ll go.”
Her mind skittered away from the pain those last two words inflicted on her heart, so she decided to ignore that part. That was the boring part she was going to try to figure out a way to get rid of.
She didn’t know how yet, but she was going to shake things up in Red Havoc because Annalise needed both the panthers and Jaxon now. She needed moments like these where she was wrapped up with a man who made her feel whole and okay just the way she was, as well as the crew who would push her to become a better version of herself, and stronger.
So, okay. He could pretend he was going to leave. But already She-Devil had plans on sinking her claws in deeper to the man who had won her heart before she’d even heard his voice.
Chapter Five
Jaxon knelt at the edge of the tree line and watched Anna make her way carefully down the deer trail. Watching her leave made it hard for him to draw a breath, so he gripped his shirt over his chest and forced air into his lungs despite the ache. What had she done? Everything in him wanted to cross panther territory lines and drag her back to his truck, buckle her up inside, and drive her away from here.
If he was honest, he wanted to fucking kidnap her like a psychopath. She was a panther, and she belonged with a panther crew, but inside, his bear was roaring that she belonged with him, and fuck her people.
He could always kill them. The thought crossed his mind earlier today, and then again tonight when she’d admitted she had to stay here. The selfish monster inside of him wanted to cut off anyone who could take her from him.
But then she’d said she needed the cage Red Havoc could provide, and it had shifted something inside of him. He didn’t know what it was like for a bitten shifter, but if she was scared of herself, scared of the animal inside of her, well…he did understand that. And now he felt like he would sacrifice just about anything to make sure she got control of her animal. Because her voice had gone empty and hollow when she’d talked about the cage room, and about her old life. And he would be good-goddamned if he was going to let her ever feel that kind of loneliness again.
Pairing up with a woman wasn’t supposed to be like this.
He was selfish by nature and had been wanting a mate. A human mate so that he could fuck her, care about her well-being, but not bond to her like with a shifter female. He wanted to pretend he wasn’t this thing and live a normal human life with a human wife. He wanted to ignore the bear. He wanted to Change in the woods in private a few times a month and the rest of the time pretend he’d been born a normal man, not a Gray Back.
Annalise called herself She-Devil. Well, his bear was named Titan, something he wouldn’t admit too soon so she wouldn’t get scared. If she knew what kind of hellish revenge his inner grizzly was plotting on the entirety of the Red Havoc Crew, she would understand why he was rogue and run away from him screaming. And what had the crew done wrong? Not a goddamn thing. They only existed as a barrier between him and something Titan wanted—Annalise.
Her admitting she needed to be a part of this crew, without Jaxon, had done something incredible to his human side. It had made him want to help her, settle her here, and give her a good life. But it had also done something awful to the bear. It made him want to draw her in close and burn the world around them until she had nothing left but him.
He should leave.
She wants us to stay.
Jaxon shook his head and ran his hands through his hair roughly. Fucking Titan. Manipulative, like always.
Down the trail, Annalise turned and gave him a shy smile and a little wave. Beautiful. She was so much prettier than he’d imagined. She had dark brunette hair. He’d yanked her hair band out just to free her tresses and see them waving past her shoulders. Soft as silk, shiny in the moonlight. Even from here he could see the pretty gold in her panther eyes and her stark freckles she’d once told him she didn’t like. Crazy girl. Those little dots all over her face were so fucking cute he couldn’t stand it. Maybe that’s why she had spots in her coat.