I looked up into his worried eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, helping me regain my footing.
I nodded. Three times now I’d joined marks with Collin in the ocean, and three times I’d had some type of vision involving the gods. But each time I’d been completely unaware of my surroundings, leaving me utterly vulnerable. I might have been the daughter of the sea, but I wasn’t sure it made me invincible to drowning, as ironic as that seemed. I couldn’t ignore that Collin had protected me each and every time. Didn’t that constitute a type of trust?
But while I might have been able to trust Collin to protect me when he was with me, there were too many other things I couldn’t count on him for. One constant with Collin was his secrets. “Did Okeus tell you to bring me out here and press our marks together?”
Guilt flickered in his eyes.
I jerked out of his hold. “Why couldn’t you have just been honest with me?”
“Do you really think you would have agreed to come out here if I had?”
“I don’t remember agreeing in the first place!” I shouted.
“Ellie, you’re making a scene.”
The crowd had begun to grow, the families staring at me like I’d grown a second head. I rolled my eyes in disgust. “Leave it to you to turn this around and blame everything on me.” I stomped out of the water, Collin following close behind me. Our connection was even stronger now and I could literally feel his presence. What would it be like if we were together all the time?
I stopped at the blanket and bent over to pick up my flip-flops. I had to get away from him. The draw I felt to him was too strong. I could barely stop myself from turning around and throwing myself into his arms, begging him to take me right there, in front of everyone. But another part of me hated every fiber of his being. He was the reason why my life was utter hell. I couldn’t ignore his betrayal and dishonesty, even if Ahone had tricked him.
He stopped next to me, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. “We’re not done here, Ellie. We have more to talk about.”
I gritted my teeth, trying to keep my hands to myself. “Well, I’m done.”
“You are such a hypocrite,” he sneered in disgust. “You always accuse me of hiding things, but here I am offering you information and you’re running away. Again.”
“I can’t, Collin.” I looked up into his face, pleading. “Don’t you see? I can’t. I need to think. And I can’t do that around you.”
He shook his head, his irritation palpable. “You can’t run away from this. This is our lives now. We’re pawns being manipulated by selfish gods, and that means everyone and everything in our lives is vulnerable to them. Is that fair? Hell no, but there it is nevertheless. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you learn to adapt and roll with whatever these bastards throw your way, the better off you’ll be. I want to help you—I’m begging you to let me help you—but you rebuff me at every turn. Decide right now, Ellie: Do you want my help or not?”
My mouth dropped open in shock. “Are you saying you won’t mark my doors anymore if I say no?”
“Do you even want me to? You keep telling me that I’ve ruined your life, but mine’s been ruined too. Do you think I want to go to Manteo every couple of days to mark your door? Did you ever once think that I may need protection?”
The blood drained from my head. Finding out about Ahone, seeing Okeus, listening to Collin say he didn’t want to mark my doors anymore—it suddenly felt like I was drowning. I sank down to the blanket, too numb to know whether to be angry or sad.
“What do you want from me, Ellie?”
I slowly shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I need to know.”
I nodded. He was right. He’d been screwed by this whole mess too. He was an easy scapegoat, but I wasn’t guiltless in this either. I searched his dark brown eyes, again resisting the urge to touch him. “After what Okeus told me, I need some time to think. I’m sorry, but I do. I just found out my entire existence can be attributed to the gods’ ulterior motives. I need to sort this out in my head.”
He studied my face, and some of his guard fell. “Okay.”
“You’re not going to ask what he said?”
“No.”
My shock was wearing off, replaced by a profound sadness. “I’m going away for the weekend.” I paused and picked at a fold in the blanket, avoiding eye contact. “We’re going to Chapel Hill. David dug up some information he wants to check out.” I still didn’t trust Collin, so the less he knew about our trip, the better.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Part of me wanted to rise up and fight him. Who was he to ask me that? Was he doing it out of jealousy? But I was so tired of fighting with Collin. I lifted my gaze to his face.
“You’ll be a couple hundred miles from the ocean, Ellie. What happens if you need it?”
“I’ve never really needed it before. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“You have needed it,” he said softly. “What about the times you drive here before even realizing what you’re doing? You’ll be weaker that far away from the ocean, so be careful if you face any demons or spirits.”
I lifted my mouth into a lopsided grin. “I thought you weren’t going to help me anymore.”
A soft smile spread across his face. “I’m waiting for your decision. Until then, I’ll keep with the status quo.”