Where was it earlier, damn it?
Hot tears race down my cheeks as I see Ezekiel over and over in my mind, the wrath burning so hot in me that it becomes too painful.
Utter, undeniable, crisp obliteration—that’s the only way to describe it. Everything directly in front of me is shattered like glass—from boulders, to trees, to mountainsides…
As I look for the angel, debris rains down heavily, obstructing my view as I weakly shove to my feet once again. The only thing I can hear is the staggered pieces of destruction falling from the sky.
“Gage! Jude! Kai! Somebody answer me now!” I say on a choked cry, limping through the fragments of rock, stumbling my way through thick veil of dirt cloaking the air.
It’s eerily silent, and no one is answering. I’m forced to choke back a sob as I try to stay focused and strong for the moment.
Just for the moment.
“Somebody answer me!” I scream louder, ignoring the hot tears rolling down my cheeks as I spin in a circle, searching and finding nothing.
The air around me suddenly clears as a purifying breeze wafts over me. My jaw grinds and I start to throw myself at Rafael when I spot him limply leaning against another angel and simply staring at the ground.
But I forget he even exists when I hiccup out a sound of a laughing sob, seeing all four of my guys walking toward me without a scratch on them.
I cover my mouth, refusing to make any of the sounds I want to, because I just saw Ezekiel die. Is this an illusion or was that?
“Forgive me,” comes Lucifer’s voice, reminding me what’s going on as my heart hurts and rejoices at the same time, so confused about how to feel.
Needing touch to trust my eyes, I practically drag Ezekiel to me, practically nuzzling him like an affection-starved cat as I narrow my eyes at Lucifer.
“An illusion?” I ask him quietly, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“They now know for sure,” he says with a tight smile. “You’ll heal faster in hell than in Purgatory. You’ll heal faster in Purgatory than topside. We’ll talk when your emotions don’t leave you unreasonable.”
He’s gone before I can call him a whole string of very creative names he can add to that long list of titles he loves so much.
Rafael’s eyes meet mine, and I stay on my feet by the power of utter stubbornness alone.
He almost looks regretful, as though that makes this all okay for his pure-of-heart soul. I don’t like being called a liar, even if I try to lie. I really don’t like being lied to after being called a liar.
He holds my gaze for a second longer in silence, and then he vanishes from sight, along with everyone else, sans the five of us.
The second they’re gone, I give up the charade of being invincible, and give a small cry of pain as I drop, gritting my teeth as I clutch my side.
Ezekiel goes with me, catching me before I hit the ground and eases me down the rest of the way. Eyes go to my middle, taking in all the purple bruises covered in goo and gray dirt.
The bruises are everywhere, and it feels like some things are too broken to heal back as fast as they were earlier.
I’m vaguely aware of the fact I’m only viewing them with one eye, but I don’t care. Because all four are here.
All four.
They’re all okay.
They’re all okay.
The wrath slowly recedes from the edges of my mind, and more choked sobs slink out of me. They all hide any expressions and keep their silence as I take a long few minutes to pull myself back together.
“I’m still mad at you, but you’re my favorite just because you’re not really dead,” I say on a broken whisper to Ezekiel.
His eyes rake over me, jaw grinding, just like all of theirs.
“I’m sick of the games. Someone needs to tell us what the fuck is going on,” Jude bites out as Ezekiel gingerly lifts me, cradling me in his arms like I’m breakable.
He glides with smooth movements, careful not to jostle me, as the muscle jumps along his jaw.
His eyes are cold as he looks over at Kai and says, “I vote we let her heal and start setting fires of our own for a change. Fuck them. Fuck this. Fuck the fucking balance or what-the-hell-ever is going on right now.”
I feel us siphoning, and I let Ezekiel carry me to a familiar bed that has turned fully purple. This is the room where I chatted with the Devil.
“Where are we?” Gage asks as Ezekiel puts me down on my feet.
I manage to go phantom, using that nifty ability to clean myself and change in the short amount of time I’m strong enough to stay in that form.
When I suffer, that form suffers the hardest, when it was oddly the only form I had for so long. It’s like there had to be balance for that as well.
“I don’t know. It’s not like I did that,” Ezekiel says quietly as they look around.
I hobble to the bed, not bothering to hazard a guess as to what’s going on. I just know everything hurts, and hell’s healing abilities are really helping with the unrelenting pain.
Jude looks over as the doors close and lock, and he swings his scythe around, ready to fight.
“I did that. I’m not surprised a piece of information I just know is how to lock my door in hell after having my mind thoroughly tortured by my father and my ass kicked by his angelic brother. It’s a shit family I’ve been manifested into,” I state dryly.
“We cut through a lot of guards. I’m sure that’s going to piss someone off,” Gage says on a tired breath.
“When?” I ask, my lids growing heavy as I hide how much pain I’m really in, toughing through it like a boss, if I do say so—
A slight whimper escapes me, and Kai is quickly in the bed beside me, gently slipping his hand through my hair and pushing it back from my face.
“All good,” I assure him tightly.
He looks over me as he softly presses his lips to the top of my head in quite possibly the gentlest touch he’s ever given me.
“It takes so much to get you guys to be nice to me. It’s hardly worth the effort,” I say through strain, trying to lighten the pitiful stares they’re all giving me.
Kai sighs harshly against the top of my head, not giving me the groan I was expecting.
“I want him dead. Fuck the balance. That was nothing but cold. What’s the fucking purpose of this?” he grinds out.
I’m not sure who the him is that he wants dead. There are a few candidates that spring to my own mind.
Lucifer being one of them.
The beating was preferred to the anguish I felt when I had to watch Ezekiel’s eyes go flat. It was so damn real. I even heard the last quiet patter of his heartbeat, and saw it expire through his gaping chest.
“I need Ezekiel for a little bit,” I say as I brush a kiss across Kai’s lips.
His eyes show understanding as he kisses my head again and stands. His fists clench as he walks off, and Ezekiel carefully climbs into bed beside me.
I don’t even care how much it hurts to wrap myself around him, or how vulnerable I look in this particular moment.
The other three take seats on the floor, eyes alert like they’re waiting for something. Anything.
At this point, it’s starting to feel like no one and everyone wants us dead. As though there has to even be a balance to the level of confusion I’m forced to endure.
Chapter 10
Small, gentle circles being traced over my back is what I feel when I first stir awake. The hand pauses for a brief second before resuming those lazy patterns.
“I’m simply here to see if she’s awake yet,” I hear a familiar voice saying.
I barely crack an eye open, seeing the door and a hint of Lamar’s profile beyond Jude’s head, as he mostly blocks the doorway. I locked that door for a reason.
“Until someone tells us what the hell is going on, no one is getting through this door. Unless you really do want to fucking kill me. Obviously, it’ll be every man for himself after that.”
It’s still Ezekiel under me. I can tell by the tribal tattoo coming up from the top of his jeans where his shirt has risen up. His body is warm under mine, and his arms are still around me, holding me to him just the same as when I finally gave in to the emotional and physical exhaustion and fell asleep.
Mentally cataloguing the small bit of residual soreness, I start taking inventory of the guys. Everyone’s attention is on the doorway. Kai’s muscles are bunched as he grips his triton too hard.
They’re also still wearing their warrior skirts.
“Lucifer asked for forgiveness. Clearly you know that means he felt true regret. And that’s a terribly hard thing for him to experience, given the obvious,” Lamar prattles on.
The blood stirs in my veins, and I jackknife to the seated position as my eyes narrow.
Lamar is gasping in the next breath when barely the thought in my mind rips him into the room, knocking Jude aside. Lamar slams into the wall by whatever angry current is flowing out of me, and he clutches at his throat like he’s strangling, as his eyes bulge a little.
The guys just look at me when I finally drop him to the ground without ever leaving my spot on the bed.
Ezekiel’s hand smooths up my back as he sits up slowly beside me. All eyes move to Lamar as he chokes on fresh air.
“What was that for?” he asks incredulously.
“You sat there smiling after Lucifer manipulated me into coming to hell. Then you sat there when I was dragged up there, where I was tricked into believing I’d just watched Ezekiel die.”
When my voice wavers, I stop talking and settle for a really outraged glare.
His eyes soften, and he clears his throat as he stands. “I had no idea that would happen. I’m just learning of these things, and they’re only including me because you’ve started trusting me first. I’ve not been allowed to know certain things I really wish I had known.”
“Fucking goodie for you,” Kai says on a bitter growl.
Lamar’s lips tighten. “We’re being called to a meeting right now. I was sent to…deliver the message. You apparently gave up your ability to hear Lucifer’s calls.”
Jude glances at me. I shrug a shoulder, too tired to even hit Lamar with my own fist, because it involves walking over there to do it.
“What are you going on about now?” I ask on a tired sigh.
“You’ve changed a lot of things. You must have made concessions in order to get other things you wanted, including coming back to life after a true death,” Lamar explains in that way of his that makes you feel stupid and frustrated because you only get more confused.
Exasperated, I ask, “How? How do I balance things in that way? Enough to come back?”
“The very power of your mind, of course,” he says like it should be common knowledge.
“Great. So if I truly die again, I’ll just stay dead,” I grumble, pinching the bridge of my nose. “My mind isn’t that awesome anymore.”
“That’s a concern for another time. I’ll escort you, and you’ll finally have the answers. Then I’m afraid your work gets very hard. All five of you.”