“You know about that?” Junior was flabbergasted and began to pace the room in distress.
“What do I look like to you? An idiot? I completely disabled the one you put in my bathroom. Which by the way, makes you a total jackhole,” Sandy informed him as she took a seat behind his desk and watched him wreak havoc in his office.
“I thought it was a little weird that you never took a shower,” Junior mumbled as he jogged the perimeter of the room knocking everything off of the walls and every surface he passed.
Essie pulled me and Daniel up on the couch so we didn’t get stepped on. Books and papers flew everywhere. Granny and Dwayne levitated and watched with glee. Hank was the only one brave enough to stay put.
“I swear to Jesus in a jockstrap I was gonna take those down,” Junior bellowed in a panic as he dropped to his knees in front of her. “I can’t stand the thought of anyone hurting you, so I um…figured out a way to keep you safe. I know it was a jackhole move. I’m no longer a manwhore, but I might be a jackhole for the rest of my days. Please Sandy,” he shouted causing everyone in the room to slap their hands over their ears—including Sandy. “Just give me a dang chance. Tell me that you can find it in your heart to love a jackhole.”
The room was quiet as we watched Sandy mull over the jackhole proposition. It was a doozy.
“Three dates,” she told him calmly as we all let out a collective sigh of relief.
“How about three weeks of dates every night?” Junior countered.
“Why three weeks?” Sandy asked, perplexed.
“Well, Essie said I had to date you three weeks before I could get into your pants,” he explained innocently, as if he wasn’t bargaining to get laid.
“I said a month,” Essie volunteered.
“I figured three weeks was close enough,” Junior said.
Sandy closed her eyes and breathed in slowly through her nose and then let it out even more slowly through her mouth. She had a hell of a lot of restraint…or she liked him a whole lot more than she was letting on.
“You get three dates. If you behave like a gentleman, you might get another. However, you’re on trial, Jacob. And you will not be getting into my pants any time soon. Are we clear?”
“Totally,” Junior, aka Jacob said in an outdoor voice, but thankfully not quite loud enough to damage eardrums. “She is so into me,” he told the room.
“We done here?” Hank asked with a smirk.
“We are,” Sandy replied as she stood and left Junior on the floor behind her. “Dima, are you all right with getting chipped?”
“I’m all right with Daniel being chipped,” I admitted. “But I don’t want any of you in danger because of me.”
“I live for danger,” Dwayne announced as he floated back to the floor. “And I’ll sleep far better if I know where you are.”
“Heavens to Murgatroyd, you should see him when he sleeps. He looks dead,” Granny said as she too floated back down.
“He is dead. He’s a Vampyre,” Essie stated the obvious as she gathered the chips and swabbed Daniel’s arm with alcohol. “Dima, I want you chipped and I don’t want to have to kick your ass to accomplish it.”
“She’s right,” Hank agreed as he carefully slit my son’s skin and inserted the chip. “Whether you like it or not, we consider you part of our mismatched pack. We take care of our own.”
Daniel barely flinched when Hank cut him. My boy was brave. Hank grabbed him and planted a big kiss on his cheek as Daniel giggled with pride.
I lowered my eyes so no one saw the tears gathering there. Luck didn’t play into my life, so I had to believe this was fate. I’d found these people because I was supposed to. Hopefully I’d be able to return some of the gifts they were giving me.
I extended my arm to a still smiling Hank and let him chip me. Having my back covered was new and it felt dangerously good.
Sandy let Junior chip her with a large eye roll and enough attitude and back talk to keep him on his toes. He was going to have a hell of a time truly winning her over, but I suspected he eventually would. Not because he would lose the jackhole part of him overnight—or ever, but because Sandy wanted him just as much as he wanted her.
“So you wanna bring Seth over for dinner?” Essie asked with a grin as she put a super hero bandage on Daniel and a Sponge Bob one on me.
“Yes,” I replied. “I think you all will like him. He’s a lovely Dragon.”
“I still say he’s gotta be ugly,” Dwayne announced to the general population as we all made our way out of the office. “You just don’t describe someone who is do-it worthy as a lovely person.”
“Dwayne,” Essie said mildly.
“Yes?” he inquired politely.
“Shut your cakehole or I’ll shut it for you.”
“Fine point. Well made,” my opinionated Vampyre friend said as he hoisted Daniel up on his shoulders.
“Cakehole,” Daniel shouted as he played Dwayne’s bald head like it was a drum.
Never in my years did I ever think I would see a Dragon sitting on a Vampyre’s shoulders using him for percussion that didn’t end in a bloody death. Lately, my life never ceased to amaze me.
“Damn it, Dwayne, don’t cuss around the child,” Granny groused as she too took a swipe at Dwayne’s head. “We’re gonna take this little man on a play date and meet you and your friend at Essie’s for dinner. Sound good?”