Her question stopped me. I inhaled, visualizing drawing in the positive and emptying out the negative. Inhale Wil iam, exhale Patrick. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.
And then, Wil iam was there, as real in my mind as if he was standing inches in front of me, grinning like only he could. Its not going to be Patrick, I said, confident. So I dont need to worry about Patrick now or ever. Closed book. I looked back at her and an expression of surprise and pride met me. Can we not talk about it anymore?
My lips are sealed. She drew an imaginary zipper across his mouth. So lets go get you ready for your man. Weve transformed Nathanial and Abigails whole second floor into a swanky day spa so we can indulge in some pampering and primping.
Sounds very . . . girly, I settled on.
And that sounds like a very Bryn way of saying no, thank you, Cora said, propping a hand on her hip. Are you seriously bailing on us? We wanted to make today extra special for you. She stuck out her lower lip.
Today will be extra special, I said, feeling my confidence growing. And thank you so, so much for putting al that together and thank you for this morning and looking out for Wil iam and me . . . It was always hard saying no to Cora, but this one was especial y hard. But I real y need to be alone for a few hours to col ect my wits.
Cora sighed, resigned. Fine, wel get an extra massage in your honor. She gave me a quick hug, topped off by a reassuring smile before turning. If you need a distraction from your wit col ection, you know where to find us.
Wil do, and thanks again, I cal ed after her.
She stopped so abruptly you would have thought shed run into an invisible wal . Oh, dear me, I cant believe I almost forgot.
Forgot what?
She looked at me over her shoulder. Please, Bryn, if you love me like a sister, please tel me you have a formal dress picked out, purchased, and sized appropriately for you.
What I wouldnt give to have such trivial worries instead of the life and death ones that had plagued me my entire life. Have a little faith, I answered, keeping my voice level.
She studied my face, looking for some fissure of deceit. Final y convinced, she said, I have a little bit of faith, so alright,”she nodded her head once”I cant wait to see it. Give me a cal if you need any help getting it zipped or picking a pair of shoes to match or walking once you get into al of it. She winked at the scowl stretching across my face before she did the best run-skip combo Id seen yet. Only Cora could pul off a couple of side braids while skipping through a field without looking ridiculous. Good luck, Bryn! she shouted as she disappeared in the trees.
I make my own luck, I grumbled to the air, turning to prepare myself for a Betrothal to Wil iam Hayward.
So I didnt exactly pass the day in a way that would have pleased Cora. Instead of plucking, waxing, and polishing my way to seven oclock when the Bal official y got underway, I snoozed my way to six forty-five.
The dream that had run on replay the entire eight hours Id been racked out made spending the same amount of time with Cora and her merciless beauty regiment seem like a day at summer camp.
The dream had started out good; great, actual y. I was moving towards a tuxedoed Wil iam, facing away from me in an endless sea of blowing wheat. There was an unfamiliar face smiling at me as I marched towards them, hands clasped between a smal book. I looked down; I was wearing an elaborate dress that looked more like a cupcake frosted with glitter. Cora had obviously had a very prominent position in dress selection.
However, there was no room for me to feel anything but elation that the moment had come at last. Wil iam and I were minutes away from being tied to one another in the most eternal kind of way.
I gave up on walking, breaking into a run over the remaining distance keeping us apart”I wasnt about to let my pastry of a dress stop me. Id no more come to a stop at the absent alter as Wil iam turned to me. He was smiling, like it was the happiest day of his existence . . . but it wasnt his mouth or his nose or his eyes”those eyes Id memorized so long ago they were more familiar than my own. Wil iams dark hair faded to a pale blond, fal ing straighter and longer until the man standing before me held nothing left of the man I loved.
Forever, Patrick said, drawing my hands into his.
And thats where the nightmare stopped, rewinding back to me walking clueless down the organic aisle towards the wrong man. This was exactly the thing I didnt need right now. Whatever confidence Id mustered up this morning had vanished, leaving me behind with more uncertainty and near panic than Id felt yet.
I couldnt jump out of bed fast enough, not sure Id ever return to it, just in case it was infected with bad dreams. Thankful Id showered earlier, perhaps knowing it was likely Id sleep late, I rushed to the closet, flinging open the door. I went straight for the shelving unit where my surplus of jeans hid. My hands fel on empty space. My jaw dropped when I saw not a single pair of jeans was left and I didnt have the typical excuse of not doing laundry to blame. Cora. I growled it like a curse word, just as I found a folded note in place of where my beloved jeans had once always been there for me.
Nice try, Bryn. Put on the dress. Now. Or else youll never see your denim friends again.
Love Ya!
Cora
Dont you grumble at me. Its for your own good. I have to save you from your own fashionflawista tendencies.
I grumbled anyways, col apsing down to the ground in my aggravation. I couldnt handle the gown Cora had hanging from its garment bag in the dead center of my closet. I doubted my ability to make it through the night without having a breakdown of epic proportions. I certainly didnt need the added complication of keeping my breathing minimal thanks to the confines of a too-tiny dress. Wil iam loved me, dress or no dress. I didnt care about what anyone else thought.